I'll just quote my return post, instead of going back through it all:
Quote:
Not surprisingly, I'm now all the way back up to 252 lbs! That's almost 27 pounds back on.
Life has been pretty rough lately, and the extra weight is just a literal reflection of that. For one, when I came back the first time in August, I'd been seeing a doctor in an attempt to find help with feminine issues and conceiving, and they put me on hold pretty much indefinitely, because they needed my husband to be seen before they felt it was worth pursuing my diagnosis. [People in the military might know why that would be considered "indefinite"...a soldier actually getting seen for a real issue is almost a thing of myth.] I let myself get defeated about the whole issue, feeling like I've been a hamster on a wheel trying to get answers for what was wrong with me. This was my main fire and initial drive in losing weight. To get to a healthier weight and develop a stronger body and more active lifestyle for our family plans. It may not seem like a big deal to some, but when you want children and you can't become pregnant, your mind can start telling you horrible things about yourself as a woman. About your body, your spirit. Or, it did for me...I can't be alone in that fact, can I?
Anyways, that was the edge I was teetering on...that place where you either let yourself deflate of motivation, or use that moment to ignite a stronger fuel to move forward.
Then, among other personal things....in October, my dad died.
That was it. I fell over the edge. It was all very sudden and unexpected. He was only 58 years old, and none of us were prepared for such a devastating loss. I lost any concern for myself and fell apart. A cloud fell around me that made me feel like it all didn't matter. It's a dark place I'm still having trouble shaking; but, I've realized that it is not a good mind space to be in, and it's probably the furthest thing from what my dad would want me to be feeling. We were very close; he was honestly one of my best friends. My advisor on all things, big and small. It's still surreal that he's no longer with us, but I know his energy and love is with us, always.
So, I'm back to the "real world"...eyes open. This is where I get back on track. This is where I remember why I was really doing this in the first place. I want to live a long time and be with my loved ones, able to fully enjoy the life and adventures we share. I don't just want to do this, I need to do this.
TL;DR version: Life is tough, but we're tougher. Glad to be back.
Originally Posted by opheliaphoenix
So, yes. I disappeared. Again. This makes twice now...and, I'm regretting it now even more than I did the first time. I'd come back and made a couple posts back in August about getting back on track with calorie counting and posting on 3FC, and how I'd just had a nearly two month vacation out to my hometown in California to see my family. [And, had eaten just about every delicious thing I can't get my hands on way out here in Oklahoma.] But, that was water under the bridge. I was losing the extra weight I'd put on, but then I let myself start slipping on actually counting out calories...just "guesstimating"...and, then I eventually just convinced myself I couldn't even find the time to bother taking note whatsoever.Not surprisingly, I'm now all the way back up to 252 lbs! That's almost 27 pounds back on.
Life has been pretty rough lately, and the extra weight is just a literal reflection of that. For one, when I came back the first time in August, I'd been seeing a doctor in an attempt to find help with feminine issues and conceiving, and they put me on hold pretty much indefinitely, because they needed my husband to be seen before they felt it was worth pursuing my diagnosis. [People in the military might know why that would be considered "indefinite"...a soldier actually getting seen for a real issue is almost a thing of myth.] I let myself get defeated about the whole issue, feeling like I've been a hamster on a wheel trying to get answers for what was wrong with me. This was my main fire and initial drive in losing weight. To get to a healthier weight and develop a stronger body and more active lifestyle for our family plans. It may not seem like a big deal to some, but when you want children and you can't become pregnant, your mind can start telling you horrible things about yourself as a woman. About your body, your spirit. Or, it did for me...I can't be alone in that fact, can I?
Anyways, that was the edge I was teetering on...that place where you either let yourself deflate of motivation, or use that moment to ignite a stronger fuel to move forward.
Then, among other personal things....in October, my dad died.
That was it. I fell over the edge. It was all very sudden and unexpected. He was only 58 years old, and none of us were prepared for such a devastating loss. I lost any concern for myself and fell apart. A cloud fell around me that made me feel like it all didn't matter. It's a dark place I'm still having trouble shaking; but, I've realized that it is not a good mind space to be in, and it's probably the furthest thing from what my dad would want me to be feeling. We were very close; he was honestly one of my best friends. My advisor on all things, big and small. It's still surreal that he's no longer with us, but I know his energy and love is with us, always.
So, I'm back to the "real world"...eyes open. This is where I get back on track. This is where I remember why I was really doing this in the first place. I want to live a long time and be with my loved ones, able to fully enjoy the life and adventures we share. I don't just want to do this, I need to do this.
TL;DR version: Life is tough, but we're tougher. Glad to be back.
