I just have to express the pride I have for myself for the restraint and willpower I had last night. My new years eve plans got cancelled and I was kind of bummed I would be spending the night alone with my dog watching The City on Netflix. I. wANTED to binge. I wanted to feel so sick and disgusting to give a reason why I was alone, to have an excuse why no one else invited me out " look at me I'm so fat and gross I eat like a pig, I'm lazy and just sitting here feeling sad for myself." I truly wanted this! I went to the grocery store, bought velveeta, chips, sour cream, rotel, and ground beef to binge big on nachos and picked up a slice of cheese cake to top it off.
I got home and put everything on the counter and just paused. I had been really good all day with my calories, was diligent, worked out. I thought "do I REaLLY want to eat an entire brick of velveeta??" I opened the chips and ate one. And again paused. I sat down on the couch and took a moment with myself. 15 minutes actually going back and forth. On one side I thought" tomorrow is the new year, I'll start healthy again tomorrow" then immediately scolded myself asking why I always do that. There is no tomorrow, there is only now. I asked myself what kind of person I wanted to be, and it wasn't someone who ate an entire brick if velveeta.
I still wanted nachos though.
So instead, I became responsible, and empowered. I found 3oz of ground turkey in the freezer, and a bag of REAL Monterrey jack shredded cheese. I weighed out the chips, I loaded up the turkey with onion and green pepper, I measured out the cheese.
And I enjoyed my nachos, I didn't feel like a loser, a pig, lazy. I was now a success story, even if it was a little success.
And the cheesecake? I only ate half of the slice and enjoyed every bite mindfully.
I feel like I'm finally on track, that my mind is finally getting in sync with my intention.
Anyone else have any NYE success stories?
D
