One week from today, I will be visiting my family and friends for the holidays. I haven't seen anyone in 6 months since moving to the other side of the U.S. When I first moved, I had this goal (dream?) if coming home around Christmas time and WOWing everyone about my weight loss.
Unfortunately, that dream is still a dream. The good news is I haven't gained any weight since moving away, but the bad news is I haven't lost any noticable weight either during these past 6 months. I've lost 4 pounds in 6 months. Big woop!
I feel like I've let everyone down. I gained 20 pounds in 1 year (last year) due to non-stop emotional eating that was triggered by my parent being deathly ill for most of the year and being in the hospital for most of that year. Everything is okay with my family now, but I'm now 20 pounds overweight and on top of the 15 pounds that I was trying to lose in the first place.
My doctor says I need to be 155 pounds to be in the "normal" BMI range and she recommended a low-fat diet since I have high LDL levels ('bad cholestrol' in my blood). My body fat is 42%. That's nearly half my body full of fat.
I feel a bit of anxiety already about heading home for the holidays next week. This anxiety has caused me to reach for some bad food, which of course doesn't help with my (failed) attempt as losing weight. It's catch-22. I know I let my parents/family down (they are/were really hoping that I would lose at least 10 of the 20 pounds of emotional weight gain from last year by this time) and I am a bit ashamed to see everyone after all this time. Most importantly, I let myself down.
Anyway, has anyone every been in my situation where they haven't seen their family and friends for several months and everyone is expecting you to be a little bit thinner when they DO see you after all this time? How do you mentally prepare yourself for disapproving looks and/or snide remarks from family memebers?
In my family, they might not directly say "You are still fat", but I notice they immediately look at my bottom half (I'm pear-shaped and very bottom heavy because I have a big butt, hips, and heavy thighs that rub together yet small breast...wish I had bigger breast so I wouldn't look SO asymetrical). My dad has told me to lose some weight because (and I quote) "You have to attract men with body charm and you need to work on yours". I know he means well and is only concerned that his only daugther will remain single for the rest of her life. My mom is a bit more direct and tells me to lose weight. My friends don't comment on my weight gain, but they know that it's been a struggle for me to be this size that I currently am. They DO tell me that I am beautiful....but of course they would because they are my friends.
I hate this feeling of letting everyone, including myself, down.