I finally had a chance to read through that blog and enjoyed it. If you guys do start a blog on it, I'd love to know and would like to feature it on my blog too.
My personal thoughts...
- Acceptance at any size is important. I'm definitely NOT a fan of hating the fatties.
What gets me the MOST angry are those that make fun of men and women who are overweight and working out. Seriously? How stupid is that.
- Comprises and respect are important. I see this as a similar issue if I were to deal with someone who was a smoker. I have many friends who smoke, it's not something I agree with, but it's their choice and I'm not going to discriminate again them because of it. However, I also expect that they respect me in the process (not smoking in my house, around my kid etc). Clearly, smoking isn't good for them but they're adults and have weighed the pro and cons of it themselves and as long as it doesn't affect me I don't care what they do. Now, if they were seriously upset about smoking and wanted my support to quit I'd certainly give that to them.
I have a number of obese relatives and I treat it the same way. If they are happy where they are weightwise then who am I to tell them differently? My weight loss in no way whatsoever affects them and them being obese in no way affects me. Sometimes they do overlap if we were to go out to dinner so as long as we were both willing to compromise (possibly going somewhere that has options that we all like) than it's a non-issue. They're adults, they know the health risks so it's something they have to decide for themselves. However, if they did decide to lose they'd certainly have my support to.
- Losing weight isn't always about looking like a perfect feminine ideal. I think this is where it gets confusing because I know I still DO have vanity reasons for losing weight even if my health is my absolute priority! However, I think this is the point where there needs to be A LOT more information out there for your girls when it comes to body types, the way we carry weight, realistic expectations and just understanding your body, in general. I think I wasn't the most insecure teen BUT I know I had a lot of insecurities surrounding my body type (very top heavy hourglass). I didn't know how to dress it, I didn't know how to find properly fitting bras, I was an athlete and most of my friends were stick thin runners so I always felt "fat" to some extent in comparison (even though I was very healthy and a great weight for myself at the time, and I knew it!). Now, I know it might be in part because my mom didn't pass a lot of into on to me in terms of beauty/self-care but the media/magazines I read weren't a lot of help either.
How much better would it be in teen magazines discussed what the average teen looked like? What if they said that it was normal to have some pudge on your body? Or that teens can get stretch marks during growth spurts? Or that even if you're at a healthy weight your thighs can rub together? What if they discussed dressing various body types (plus-sized included!) instead of showing super tall models in the clothes?
I know it's not just the media, it's our culture at whole but I sure wish I would've had a magazine or that info when I was a young teen... I know now even as an educated adult I've only learned much of what is "normal" in terms of ones body in the last few years. I think some really do go into weight loss expecting that you can choose your body type or certain diets will help you lose where you want to. That pilates will make you look like a ballerina and weight lifting will turn you into a she-hulk. In order to be truly happy AFTER weight loss you need to have realistic expectations when it comes to what your goal looks like
- Losing weight can be about making yourself a better person. And by better I don't me thinner or prettier. As a former emotional eater/constant sugar eater/food hoarder/hider, I had to learn how to deal with my problems directly instead of eating them away. This has nothing to do with society' expectations as a women but it did have do with me working on improving myself and evolving into
my ideal me.
- and i just want to repeat this because it's awesome!
Quote:
When I first started working out, I struggled with the idea of entering a space that wasn’t very welcoming to women… and that was the weight lifting area. It’s hard to enter a space where you see no one who looks like you – my gym had very little to offer in the way of Blacks, women, or Black women entirely – and make yourself at home, because you consistently wonder if there’s something that intentionally keeps you away from doing so. (Notice how much this sounds like seeing persons of color in any medium, and how difficult it must be to be the first to transcend this.) You eventually realize that yes, there is something that intentionally keeps women out of the weight lifting area: a general societal understanding that women aren’t supposed to be strong. That muscles are the realm of men, and having them would make a woman look… manly. Femininity, as defined by people who aren’t, ostensibly, female… doesn’t include muscles. It was a gendered expectation that was preventing me from becoming my more fit self, and it frustrated me to no end.
Excerpted from How Losing Weight Made Me A Feminist | A Black Girl's Guide To Weight Loss