I'll try my best to explain what I mean, but my head's kinda all over the place.
You know how people always say you need to love yourself first, that loving yourself is the most important, that what other people think about you doesn't matter, blah blah blah? I think that's crap. Of course it matters what other people think!
"Other people" hire you and give you a job and a salary. "Other people" fall in love with you and marry you. I could think I'm the most awesome accountant ever, but unless someone actually gives me a job, it doesn't matter what I think. If no one else loves me, how do I know I'm really worth loving?
I don't know, I'm just...really lonely. Everyone I know is getting married, already married, having babies, etc. I feel like I'm behind, and there's something wrong with me, that I'm not good enough to be loved by a decent person. My best friend in the whole world is my most recent ex. It's been almost a year, and I'm still devastated. I'm completely in love with him, and it hurts that I'm not good enough any more. I tried online dating when I moved to Ohio, and that ended disastrously, so I gave up.
I want to believe that there's someone out there for me, but I'm beginning to give up hope. I know, logically, that I'm not "running out of time" (I'm 23), but I feel like I am.