Hi all,
So last week some coworkers and I were putting together a scrapbook for someone who is leaving the office. Everyone brought pictures from several different "eras" of the organization.
Some of these pictures were from a time in my life when I did everything possible to make sure I didn't have to confront myself. I wore stretchy clothes ONLY. I never, ever stepped on the scale. And I almost never consented to have my picture taken. Well, photos aren't always avoidable.
So several pics of me from 9 years ago surface during this scrapbooking thing. I had NO IDEA how large I actually was. (I mean, I guess I MUST have had some inkling, what with my avoidance behaviors...) Seriously, I didn't know I looked the way I looked. I had tiny slits for eyes. I had an extra crease in my arms (like babies do). And my double chin was so large that I looked like I am wearing an airplane pillow backwards. I put 350 in my ticker, but I really think I must have weighed quite a bit more than that.
I lost a bunch of weight shortly after that by doing Atkins. I sort of made up that I lost around 100 pounds, because I never actually weighed myself during any of that. I then spent several years yo-yoing up and down.
Now that I DO weigh myself, look at myself in the mirror, and actually have a pretty good idea of what I look like, I just can't believe that I spent years of my life with zero self-awareness. It is a little bit disturbing. Its hard to explain--I guess it was like looking in the mirror and seeing a complete stranger. Who the heck was that chick?
I know there are positive lessons in this experience, but I need a little help finding them, I think.
Thanks for reading.