This past week has been awful in terms of food. Why is it sometimes all or nothing? I can’t seem to do ANYTHING in moderation, including eating well. A couple weeks ago I had a weekend away (some of you might remember my post about going away to see a concert…) Well, the following week I was about 80% on plan, but there was some slipping. This past weekend I was in a wedding and completely went off plan. Pizza, beer, wine, cake… And this week I’ve been just awful! I have no excuse! I have just been eating crap. For the last couple of days I’ve felt the uncontrollable binge feeling for the first time in a couple months. I have driven to the store just for food. I have eaten when I wasn’t hungry. I’ve eaten what doesn’t even taste that good. I have gotten in bed to sleep, just to get out and eat again. Taken the food to bed with me… Made several trips back to the kitchen. I just can’t seem to stop in the moment. I think it really ties in with drinking a lot for me, even if it’s just a drink or two, my inhibitions are lowered enough that my binging behavior is uncontrollable. I do so well when I’m really trying, no cheating, no drinking. But after awhile I think to myself… “I should be able to do all things in moderation; life should not be about so many restrictions.” I don’t want to admit that I can’t control myself. I feel like it’s some sort of shortcoming. I am not ready to fully accept I have this problem and that I’ll need to continually work to stay on the healthy side of my binging. I’m a control freak, a perfectionist, so I keep beating myself up for failing. When I try to confide in “normal” eaters about all of this I get a speech about “willpower” and how it should just be “easy”.
I just want to scream!!! Venting here helps, I’m feeling a little bit better already