My child has been in band since 5th grade (she's almost 14 now). She plays the flute. She has a talent for it, has been in the All State Band, and has played second or first chair this whole year. I had high hopes that she could get scholarships for this, as well as how favorable it would look on college applications.
We have been battling all school year about her continuing to be in band in high school. She doesn't want to join marching band. She can't give me any real reason beyond "I just don't want to" so we always tabled the discussion.
Well, this past Monday was the deadline for the commitment for marching band. (This is quite the financial and time commitment, $100 down payment, $500 total per year, with practice 4 days a week after school, games on Friday nights until near midnight, competitions on weekends, band camp during the summer.) I bought a money order and filled out the paperwork, and she refused to take it to school.
It pains me to say this, but she is just being LAZY (this is my obese child) and STUBBORN. She doesn't think that she can keep up with the physical demands and says she is too uncoordinated to participate. She also doesn't want to "wear those ugly uniforms" or "be the band geek" and get bullied more. (This is purely speculation on my part, but I believe she would prefer to sit at home every afternoon, reading and EATING whatever she can get her hands on while nobody is home to witness it.)
What has me so emotional about it this morning is something she told her current band teacher yesterday. He was asking her why she wasn't participating next year because she is GOOD, and she just kept saying "I don't want to" until he told her he needed a real reason from her. Her reply to him was "From the bottom of my heart, I am telling you the truth, I DREAD walking in your door every day." Why did she have to say something hurtful to him? Why didn't she tell him she dreaded the thought of marching next year (the truth!!) instead of lying to him (and undermining his confidence as this is his first year of teaching) because "he wouldn't get off my back!"
Another reason is that this is the first time I haven't been able to reason with her, make her see things my way, convince her to give something a real try before she writes it off. And the realization that this is only the first of many times this type of thing is going to happen in our relationship. And how totally unprepared I am to deal with it. . .
Thanks for reading. Those with teen daughters, how do you DEAL? I already pick my battles, but I really feel like this is one of my hills to die on. It's probably too late to join her up against her will, and that would only cause her to rebel anyway. What can she do with this talent she has if she doesn't participate in the band in high school? There aren't a whole lot of teen garage bands looking for flautists. . .