Hi Ladies and Gents

This is going to be a difficult thread, and I invite people to question, be open and honest. No matter what your beliefs or opinions, this is an important subject that is too often shied away from.
Please don't judge or preach, this is NOT the place. I would like to ask a few questions to open a dialog.

What would you do if someone you know behavior changed, they made a statement like "I can't go on" or started giving things away saying "I don't need this anymore"??
Would you even consider that these may be someone's way of throwing up a desperate flag, a sign that they'd like some help? That that were thinking of committing suicide? (oh dear I said it again)

Have you ever felt so alone that you just didn't know what to do? You didn't know where to turn and you just wish someone would look into you and KNOW that you were not OK?
Would you know how to ask for help?

I'd like to put my hand up and say I've been there, on both ends of this. I have waved my hands in the air and screamed to the winds "I don't know how to help myself and can only see one way out" I was lucky I had a support network around me who helped me.
I now work in a job that brings me into contact with people at risk of slipping into a place where they might not have a way out of without help.

3FC is an extraordinary place, the supports and love everyone gives so freely here is a rare thing. Communities like this may just make the difference between someone making the decision to invite someone in to help and the end of their life.

What resources are in your area? Where can you learn more about this? Have you ever talked about this topic with your family and friends?
Lets talk about this, we are all here and have our own challenges. Losing the pounds is an emotional thing. We have a wealth of knowledge for the physical, what do we know about our emotional journey?

I am NOT a mental heath professional. I do however believe that everyone in the community can help with this difficult topic, we have a responsibility to look after each other.
Lets talk about the elephant in the room.

Kitty

I've been there. I've been there more than once, actually. I never talked about it with anyone, though. It's terrifying and you want help...but at the same time, it's almost a relief to think that the suffering might end. I'm glad you posted this thread.

Suicide should not be the elephant in the room. It really makes me sad that suicide is such a taboo topic that people dance around. I'm glad you brought up this post.

My best guy friend, who I consider my brother, committed suicide almost four years ago and it is the worst thing that has ever happened to me. I think of him every single day and when someone commits suicide it really effs with your mind. When someone dies in a car crash, you know they weren't responsible and their death was an accident. You grieve and learn to deal with the pain. But a suicide leaves so many unanswered questions and really messes with your head. You grieve, but it's a different kind of grief from someone who died in a non-suicide related way. It's hard to explain.

There were many signs and he did once say "Sometimes I think it would be easier if I just wasn't here." Of course, I asked if he was serious and he joked it off and said, "**** no!" A month later he hanged himself.

I knew he was depressed prior to his suicide and I told him we could go get help together. I was going through a rough time and told him we should go see a counselor together (one appointment after another, not an appointment at the same time). I offered to have him move in with me to help him out. I offered everything I could. People will find a way to end their life if it is what they truly feel is the best for them. It ends their mental torture and suffering, but then it is left behind for those who loved them.

If you know someone who is joking about suicide, or even bluntly talking about it, please ask them to get help. I tried my best and I don't feel guilty because I know I did, but at least let them know that you are there and you love them.

I know people who have done it. This is a terrible legacy to leave your loved ones. Of cource the person choosing to end his/her life dooes't think of that.
And yes, I have heard a person say."I just wish I could go to sleep and not wake up." I am sorry to say I did not realize she would commit sucide and I did nothing. She did take her own life. I think those of around a person contemplating suicide just don't believe it or don't know what to do and do nothing.

A lot are scared by this word.
"Suicide" , "End" , "Relief".
If it is someone you know, you already noticed the change. You might not think is important enough for you to intervene, but trust me it is. The usual signs might not always be there. But at least you heard this person joke about it even once( and yes noone jokes about suicide randomly). You noticed the mood, or the need for isolation. You might even notice the lack of talking about the future, or making plans. It would be different for everyone, and not some notes on a book, but it would be noticeable because you knew this person all along, so its easier for you to notice the changes. You will not offend this person by talking to him/her about that. I hear my friends saying "it crossed our mind but what if it wasnt?" And what if its not ? Its not an insult. That person wants to be noticed, he actually screams loudly in his own way, and feels that noone is listening. Even if you dont do it, talk about it to someone that will.

I was there, and i can only offer, what i went through, and what i learned, hoping that noone is ever going to be closer to that edge.

- yes sometimes life might be hard, but in that exact moment you feel that you have no life to live, thats fking terrifying.

There was a boy in school that I 'dated'. I mean, I was in 7th grade, so who dates for real then? But anyway, a friend and I were concerned. What he said everyday way, "I'm going to kill myself". I had my doubts, but we turned him in to the counselor, because we were afraid. He didn't kill himself. I'm still friends with this guy, and we keep in touch. One day he said to me, "I can't believe you guys turned me in". I said, "I'm sorry; we were scared. We didnt' want you to get hurt, just in case you meant it". He said, "Thank you, because I think that saved me". Caring for a person and showing that you care can really be the thing that helps. Even if a person is angry at you for doing it, please bring it up.

Interesting tread.....
I have tried to kill myself twice the 1st time my husband found me and looked after me, we didnt tell anyone what was happening.
The 2nd time was only a few months ago and my husband this time got me to hospital and tried to get me some help.
The mental health team in my area is awful, i talked them out of sectioning me, and in all fairness i should have been.
I have no friends I can tell and I defiantly cant tell my family.
Both times where NOT a cry for help I wanted to die, sometimes I wished it had worked and other times not.
I think when a person truely wants to kill them selfs they wont go and talk to someone they will lock them selfs away and just do it.
I never thanked my husband for "saving me" I am still living with bipolar 1 and depression and at times I would be better of dead.

Please dont read what I put and think oh sh1t she is gonna kill herself, at this point in time I am happy, I was just being honest about how it was and sometimes is for me.

Sorry if I come across as a b1tch, I am not though an honest account of how it is for me would be best.

My best friend suffers from severe clinical depression and dysthymia and she has told me that for her it is not a matter of IF she commits suicide but rather when she commits suicide. This is a very hard thing for me to understand, particularly as there are so many things I feel she could try to help herself (exercise, therapy, meditation, supplementation) and she doesn't. She does take anti-depressants and she does have a GP with whom she's very honest, but she lives in Canada and she tried therapy for a while but the psychiatrist she saw told her that all her problems stemmed from her weight and that if she just lost weight she'd be happy. I'm not kidding. She stopped seeing him but due to the way health care works in Canada she would have to see him or someone else in his office because his practice is linked to her GP's practice. I don't really understand the whole thing, I just know she doesn't have any choice in the matter other than just not going to see a psychiatrist. She refuses to exercise, and won't try supplements that have been linked to improving depressive moods. I don't know how to encourage her beyond just trying to be there for her. I have been depressed before and even go through occasional bouts of depression now so I understand depression but I don't understand not trying to do something about it. That part baffles me.

I've had loved ones and friends kill themselves. Its an absolute tragedy and the pain cant be put in to words for those left in the aftermath.

I fear death. I always have. I am paralyzed by the thought of dying. But I know what hopelessness feels like. I know what feeling like an utter failure can do to ones psyche. My weight makes me SEVERELY sad and I then turn to self loathing. I disgust myself. Literally. The way I look disgusts me. I used to be HOT (yea I can say that confidently) And the fact that I now look the way I do makes me so angry and so terribly sad.

Where are I cant relate to wanting to die.... I know what it feels like to wish you could just be invisible.

Sorry if this is off topic, just a bit of a vent.

I've been there. It is so hard to ask for help. I was so afraid of being judged condemned or pitied. And when I was at my worst, and at my absolute lowest, I told my husband...and he told me that it was the most selfish thing he had ever heard. Well he was raised Catholic and even though he is now the most irreverent person ever, he still holds that suicide is the ultimate sin. Well, isn't that a fine attitude, as long as you're not so miserable you think you'd be better dead.

The worst..thing..ever..was that, I had my second son, he was just a few months old..and I thought that if I was not there to take care of him, he would be better off dead with me. Thank GOD I didn't follow through on that. It is so hard to admit to this. No one who knows me in person would ever guess that of me, I think.

I lost my beloved SIL to suicide on Thanksgiving day a year and half ago. My husband was her bone marrow donor when she had lukemeia years ago and they were very close. She had multiple cancer surgeries, a heart attack, was bipolar and on high doses of steroids. When she came to visit for a week three weeks before she was very thin and not eating much and was afraid her kidney cancer had come back. She also seemed very confused to me as she was saying things that did not make sense. We went around to get aps for low income housing so she could move closer to us...she really had very little support where she lived as she was estranged from most of the family for years. She had lived with us several times throughout the years but this time son had just moved back home so spare room was taken and she would not give up cats. My mom lives with us and is allergic to them so that was an issue too. She also had never forgiven herself for letting her ex raise their son and not seeing him for most of his childhood. Was out living the life of parties. From the note she left this was her biggest regret in life. However, she did not try to have much of relationship with him as adult or with her three beautiful grandchildren. I tried to get her to go with me to Texas to see them...only would have had to pay for food as I had air miles, but she backed out and I went alone. She called me three days before she did it and she sounded so happy! In hindsight I wish I would have just moved her in and mothered her and taken care of her until she felt stronger. However, I do realize that she was just plain worn out from the physical and emotional pain and that I could not fix it all for her. She had to work at fixing things. Whenever I see her grandchildren a part of me gets so angry that she is not here to see them grow up as they are remarkable kids. It is a very different kind of grief that is so hard to accept when someone passes this way.

I've been at rock bottom and had suicide planned out. At that point, I honestly thought that my death would have helped everyone I loved live a better life. I considered myself a complete burden and a drain on them. It made complete sense to me then.

A person in that position can't rationally think about the effect their decision is going to have on their loved ones.

The response to this thread is amazing.

Thank you for sharing your stories.
There are so many people touched by this. The question now is what are you going to do about it???
Yes you.

You can make the difference here, a person at risk doesn't have to be a close friend or family member, it could be a work mate, the person next door or even that person you see on the bus everyday.

First aid is taught at a lot of schools and workplaces. What about suicide first aid? would you know what to do? How many people on your block do you think would be able to assist someone who has these thoughts??
There is training and education available, Communities and governments have recently started taking an interest in mental health.
We have the power to make them listen, ask your local rep what are the health policies in place that could stop someone from falling through the cracks. It's not just the authorities, what's your church/temple/synagogue/(you get my point) doing? is it even something that you talk about? How about your sports club?

Let's take a torch and light up this subject, the more we talk, the more allow people to ask for help. The more we are aware, we can reach out to people who can no longer ask for themselves.

The stories here only prove that you ladies are amazing and powerful.

I've never actually tried to kill myself. I've made plans, I've wanted to and I've hurt myself in multiple ways. And, luckily I did have friends who not only hear my cries but they spoke up and told my mother. And, just knowing someone knew, the pain on her face it helped. I could never leave her.

It all started as a child. I was molested for years. I don't know when it started I was too young. It stopped around age 12. I've also recently come to the realization that my weight is very much due to that. I had this mentality if I was "fat" no one would want to touch me. At age 12 I started cutting myself. My legs, my arms, my wrists, my stomach. Depending on the weather and what could keep it hidden. I guess it was more of a control thing. My emotions were all over, I was confused, my life had been something I didn't understand as a kid.

And then you deal with why didn't I tell anyone? Am I to blame? My body reacted to it, I must had liked it. Which is not the case at all, a body reacts- even rape victims say so but it does not mean they liked it.

I have been cleaning my life up a lot lately, emotions mainly and now my body. It all started with my emotions though.

I haven't hurt myself for over 2 years. I am 26 now.

And the main thing that has helped me is speaking out. I talk about how I am a survivor of child sexual abuse. I talk about how I used to hurt myself. It is amazing how many people will say "oh, me too" when I bring one of those things up.

It's nice knowing you aren't alone. It means something when people spea out about the horrible things that people do other people and the horrible things we do to ourselves.

I am CPR certified, I am waiting for a call back to hopefully say i got this job working with at risk teenage girls who were either abused or neglected. Big brother big sister programs are around for a reason as well. I can't do that because I have no insurance at the moment.
There are web sites that are extremely helpful. There are people who listen, who care, and who understand.

Never take what someone says lightly, even as a joke. That joking came from a thought. Bring it up, ask them about it. If you've been there say so. And, go with intuition if they need help, even if they hate you for it. Tell them you want them to tell someone. Offer to sit with them while they call a hotline or wait outside the door while they see a therapist.

We all need love. Sometimes life really gets you down, but we all bleed the same. No matter how bad it may seem, or how unimportant compared to someone elses problems. It is still a problem and we all deserve help and love. There is never a reason to give up.

The day I started my journey of finally seeing and accepting and changing how I react to things, my weight, the way being molested has changed my relationships as an adult- one woman said this to me and it started everything. I don't even remember her name and she will never know what an impact she made on my life.

This is your healing process, you deserve to heal too. Don't compare, don't give up. It may take years, it may take your whole life, but trying for a lifetime is better than taking it away from yourself. It gets easier. And when the clouds are in the way and all you see is black and all you feel is pain, remember we all feel that way at one point or another, just push through.

One more thing I learned. We all are so sensitive to others and so hard on ourselves. When I was learning to move through what happened as a child soo many years ago I was told to treat it like it was someone else, because that way I would feel the pain for myself and quit thinking I don't deserve love. I learned to be gentle to myself- so many need to learn that.

Speak out
Reach out
Be gentle to YOURSELF

In love,
amber

I attempted suicide twice and am so glad I lived to talk to others about preventing it. I've struggled in my life with suicidal thoughts and I think that it is important to have someone listen, not judge, be there, care, take someone seriously and be supportive. Suicide is not the answer.