momof4 - boy you really shouldn't have to thank the trainer, when he didn't do anything to help, in fact almost hurting you instead...to heck with it being awkward! and you are an angel for helping your neighbor.

marie, we're so glad you are feeling happy now! and congrats on not needing the sleeping aids.

Hi Bonne

Chubbykins congrats on your loss!! yay for weight loss bliss

ems congrats on your loss also!! and bestiwishes on exams.

Aunty Jam we are thinking of you!!!!

I might not check in for a couple days, today is the Opening Day at the good summer job, I am working doubles today Thurs. and Friday. Sunday is my mom's memorial service, I have no idea what I'm going to say!! My uncle will be doing the main 'speech' then will invilte people up to speak. I hope I can hold myself together and just talk of good memories.

Hi everyone

Mom - you have so much going on honey! well done on your loss and winning the gym challenge

Vermont - Hope you enjoy the summer job. I hope Sunday goes as ok as it can for you, just say what you feel honey, your mum new what she meant to you, so I would just go with the happy memories. my grandmother (on my dads side) has been dead 17 years now at her funeral I just cried I couldnt talk she brought me up and looked after me more then my mum and dad, but I talk to her in my head still now let her know how my life is and I take my girls to her grave, she never got to meet them, he would of loved them but I feel my grandmother is close to me now just as much as she was when alive. I just wish she was around to give me advice.
I hope this kinda helps and you get where i am coming from, I believe that people live on through memories and thats a massive comfort to me.

Well today the tiredness has really kicked in, I had a sh1t day at work I lost my 1st bid placement i felt a failure, my manager said I will lose alot more then I will win its the way it works only 1 in 6 is won on average and i should not feel bad about it, all i see is I just lost £9million and my commission on it, i have to man up and get used to this failure and move on to the next project. I just wish i won my 1st one and made a name for myself.
On my way home i got of the train shattered and lit a ciggy a women, junkie looking about my age asked me for a smoke, i said no and she went of on one screaming and shouting what a b1tch I was, so i went mental back and walked of. I was so scared, i live in a good area we moved here because of that and I get this WTF? I called my husband to walk up and meet me I was terrified i was gonna get mugged on my way home. not good.
I'm home safe now Iv had my dinner and i just want to sleep so thats what I am going to do soon.

Hope everyone has a good day whatever you are doing xxx

Thanks for the best wishes and support girls hope your all well. I lost half lb tonight. im dearding these exams next week fingers crossed for me girls xxxx

Holly i hope sunday goes well xxx

Marie i would of been terrified hope your ok xxx

Vermont, it is a wonderful thing when you enjoy your work as much as you sound like you enjoy your summer job. You will be fine on Sunday. Speak from the heart that is always guaranteed success.

Ems, congrats on losing. I know you will do fine on your exams. Sometimes visualizing the aspects of the exam is helpful. Mainly relaxing your mind beforehand so you can think clearly and visualizing successfully answering the questions can be a big help.

Im trying to read and keep up with all you and feel like poop when I dont do personals...its just everyone around me is sucking me dry. Sunday I will be going to my 3rd funeral...3rd week in a row with a funeral....very draining...this one is just to support a teen who text and asked if I could go to her grandfathers viewing with her.

I officially lost 30lbs in 13 weeks!! I don't feel like I have rolls every where. I can fit into size 16 pants but don't like how they feel so Ill wait a few more lbs..Bagged up all my 2x and 22 size stuff..its gone!! Never to be seen again!!

I am struggling emotionally. I should be ecstatic with things right now but I am not. Like after 9 years of marriage the lack of dating and lack of romance is wearing on me. I know he loves me but hes flat out not an emotional person.....I crave that. So I have fell into the trap with two diff guys of getting emotionally attached to them because they were giving me attention. Its gotten bad lately because when I talk he will read the computer or a book or something and I stop because I know hes not listening...he will repeat part of what I said but then later ask me a question and i have already told him ALL about it...Busted him on so many occasions....I have found through these 2 guys because they are just paying attention to me I am like beaming with happiness to the point that the one girl i see at the gym commented on my happiness like i was ready to burst. Not just my normal smile. I DONT WANT TO FEEL THAT FOR THEM...I want my husband to do that.....But I am just to the point I dont feel he will give it soooo how do I become happy without it?? SIGH.....I have done good at keeping myself busy and then these things happen and it reminds me..... I HATE THIS....I cant seem to shake it...it sucks and I think I am going to just go cry myself to sleep now.....days like this it feels easier to drive off a cliff....

New progress pictures from today!! You can tell more than the last ones I took!!

Wow mom looking good!!

I am so lonely at the moment, i need my girlfriends and with working all hours god sends i havent seen them in 3 weeks as i am tired and have to get up at a silly time of the morning. I need my friends to listen and gossip with me. i know it sounds sad but its my way and by gossip i dont mean nasty gossip just general stuff (mainly men)
I spoke to HD about his tonight and he said i should get them to come over, but i like the buzz of going out.
I feel i am getting old and i dont like it, the 30th birthday is less then 8weeks away and i dont like it.
I know i sound like a spoilt brat but today my dad called to tell me he is ill and has to give up work, so if i think of other things I dont feel so bad about dad. he lives 4 hours drive away and wont move closer, my step mum is recovering from a brain toumer and i am so worried with them being so far away from us all. anyway im cant talk about this anymore.
The strange thing is i am not major depressed at the moment i dont have the heavy feeling that depression brings its more just sick with worry but my doc who i saw today said it just part of my OCD and i am working on that at the moment.
My eldest Daughter had SAT's exams this week as i have been working to late i havent really seen her, i text her all day to make sure she is ok and wishing her good luck but tonight when i got home early she was up and she look shattered she said it was the exams and know its over she feel better. i feel so bad i wasnt there for her. i told her tonight i dont care if she has failed them all as long as she tried her best and she was happy about that, i just sat and hugged her for the rest of the night.
The school push the kids to hard she is only 10years old and she thinks it the end of the world if she doesnt pass. why cant they let kids be children for a while.
Anyway i will stop my ranting i am just feeling sorry for myself i think, lack of sleep in the problem so i am going to have a good rest tomorrow.

Mom - Love your pics, how slim do your arms look! my arms are always the last to go, well that and my legs. you must feel pleased, i am pleased for you (and a little bit jealous) keep it up darls its so paying off

Hope everyone has a good weekend xxxx

Marie-Thanks...Yeah I saw that I hadn't realized my arms till I did the pictures together...Honestly I look thinner and smaller clothes but you dont really realize it all until you see the pictures....thank you...I am proud that I haven't wavered on the excercise or given up....Eating isnt as clean as I want but obviously im not doing too bad....I try to keep in a calorie range and burn close to what I am eating. Some days I fail but I decided to keep going even on those days!!! Thanks girl!! I hope you get to go out!!! I usually end up going to the movies by myself LOL!!!!

mom. looking great.
marie, hope your feeling better. sleep does make a world of difference.it's so nice to hear how supportive you are of your daughter I am sure that means the world to her.

I am doing ok and ok is a good thing.

Hi everyone

Vermont - thinking of you, hope tomorrow goes ok for you.

Bonnie - your right lack of sleep does get to me, by friday i am totally washed out. i feel better today DH let me have a sleep in this morning and my girls went to the zoo with my sister so once i was awake DH took me to the salon to get my nails done then we went for lunch it was really nice. we cant afford to be doing it but DH took on bored what i said last night and took me out anyway. Ella was so much more happier today after a good rest and a trip out, just being a child again

Mom - Exercise really is the key, your looking so good on it, i wouldn't worry to much about the diet so much if your kicking it in the gym, and like you said its paying off. Movies on my own I would love, i normally take one of the children and watch a kid film or twilight if its Ella. I waited so long to see black swan its out on dvd now.

So as I said to Bonnie I had a good day with DH and feel so much better after more then a few hours sleep. I am still clean from sleepers too!
Tomorrow i am going to spend the day with the girls i am hoping the weather stays good so we can go to the park or walk along the river.

Hope everyone else is having a good weekend xx

Hello everyone

Momof4, WOW what a diff in your pics!!! The exercise had really made the difference hasn't it. Keep on keep'n on!!

Marie, so glad DH listened to you and glad you had a great day.

My mom's memorial service went very well. My uncle talked of her life, and then asked if anyone wanted to share anything. Can I share with you what I wrote, and read?


I want to remember my mother Raylene as a strong and loving mother. She was a single mother at a time when that was an unusual situation, and I know she did the best she could with the difficult task of raising 3 children on her own.

I remember the creative ways she found for us to have fun, that didn't cost much. She found bargain bicycles and ice skates at thrift shops. I remember snow sliding on round pizza pans. She had a box of dress up clothes for my sister and I, getting out the 'party dresses' was such fun. She enrolled us in winter indoor swimming lessons at a local prep school. She did what she could on a very limited budget, and on her own. I remember our homes as being nicely decorated with antique items that she found and restored.

After I became a mother myself, I started to realize the time and energy it took to be a parent, and how hard it must have been for her to be a single parent.

She was very creative and could do embroidery, needlework, picture framing, furniture refinishing, and Christmas decorations. She loved to garden and cook. We also know she was an avid reader and I feel lucky to have inhereited my love of some of her talents. And I will always remember when she learned of my recent interest and passion for motorcycling, she must have been horrified but she never said a negative word, just gave her concern and love.

We know she had her struggles; we all have them. And we know she didn't want to burden anyone with bad news, and that she chose to keep her illness to herself. We can't do anything but respect that was her wish. And to be thankful for every last minute spent with her.

She was a wonderful woman and I'm proud to be her daughter.

(poem)
What can you say
to someone who has always been one of
the most essential parts of your world;
Someone who took you by the hand
when you were little
and helped to show the way.

What do you say to somone
who stood by to help you grow,
providing love, strength, and support
so you could become the person
you are today?

What can you say to let her know
what she's the best there is,
and that you hope you've inherited
some of her wisdom and her strength?

What words would you say
if you ever got the chance?
Maybe you'd just say,
I love you Mom
and know she understands.

mom, I read this and meant to respond right away!! this could escalate. I KNOW you don't want it to, I know all you want is the same attention from your husband. But you are feeling desperate, right?? i urge you to please try to back away from the attention...I'm so sorry to say that because their attention is making you happy and beaming..but it can lead to a bad situation and I don't want that for you!!

holly-First the poem about you mom is beautiful...I hope my kids think that highly of me when I am gone!!!!! How are you dealing with all of it?? Are you grieving and not just trying to ignore it??? I hope you have allowed yourself time to work through all of it!! Second..Yes one stuck me in a situation I DIDN"T want in..the other was nothing and I have backed away from both but I DON'T want to fall into yet another one...I guess that was what I was trying to mean...cause the first one was when I realized I was a lil miserable...Tried to fix all that and move on then the second one came outta no where and showed me all over again that I wasn't "fix" that the issue was still there....Its sooo hard to explain without saying specifics...just errrrrrrrrrrrr lol

vermontmom, what a wonderful tribute to your mom and the poem was beautiful.

marie, glad you got to "recharge" on Saturday. It was nice of your dh to take you to the salon.

I am hanging in there. I think my hormones are acting up. I need to go to the gynecologist but I hate, hate , hate going. I am pretty shy and reserved to begin with and there is nothing shy and reserved about a visit to that kind of doctor-lol.