It's scary to type this, but I need to put it somewhere. I think I often make cries for help to people close to me like "I haven't eaten in two days" and nobody seems to bat an eye...I'm actually starting to do it on purpose because I love the low weights that the scale shows me when I'm dehydrated. I got home from my trip last night and weighed myself after 2 weeks and was at 210 (I was 220 before, it was a 2 week trip). I was ecstatic, but now I'm afraid to eat because I know a lot of it was because I hadn't eaten all day. I know if I eat I'll probably put on at least 5 pounds of water and that freaks me out. I want to be in onederland so bad and being 11 pounds away just makes me want to starve until I'm safely there.
I know this is horrible behavior and I could be losing muscle and ruining my metabolism. I just can't get out of the mindset. I see such fast results when I don't eat and honestly I am never hungry because I'm depressed. Logically I know I need food but my body feels fine so it doesn't bother me.
I know the only thing I can do is just stay off the scale, eat normally for a few days and then weigh myself and do damage control. But I can't. It's so hard. The 210 on the scale was such a happy moment I practically jumped for joy.