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ravensglen and krampus: thank you so much for sharing your feelings with me. words cannot express how much it helps to know that i am not alone in this boat, as much as i wish none of us were on it and had already reached our destination, whatever that may be...sadly, i have been throwing a pity party for myself which i think is what i need right now until i have the emotional strength to pick myself up. until then, i will continue to avoid all scales, mirrors and stare into the distance when i am loofah-ing in the shower instead of having to look at my "new" body and i also praying that this weight loss thingy will at least give me the push to see the results of my exercise and good eating habits (which are, believe it or not, most of the time.) xoxo. and thanks again.

lelebi a few posts ago i was describing identical situation. i gained most of my weight back in just a few months. i wear only one pants that still go up my thighs but i wear them unbuttoned with only a belt over and a long shirt so that it can hide the zipper. i avoid mirrors, i got so many strech marks that anywhere i touch i can feel one. i have no idea if i'll ever have boyfriend but i keep telling myself that when i loose this weight all will be ok. but it won't. that is what made me binge in the first place. i will try to deal with my appearance issues during this new journey and i will also try to go to psychologist. i'm also avoiding my relatives so that they can't see my failure and hope to loose at least half of what i gained back so that i can finally zip up my pannts.

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Lots of struggles. Be proud of yourselves for posting. It takes real guts to do that. This journey is such a difficult one at any level. One thing to be thankful for is that you'll never be alone here. We all know your feelings.

My dear missunshine -- i am writing this to you as much as i am writing to myself. i won't cooment on the psychological impact it has on you or undermine how the excess weight makes you feel. from experience, it is a terrible, terrible thing, relatively. i won't tell you that it'll get better and in a few weeks you'll be fine. we both know that is true but at the moment, it hurts, we feel ashamed, and we feel unloveable.

what i will tell you is that how we look does not define who we are. sure, it affects how we present ourselves to the world (personally my head hangs, i'm meekish, embarrassed, slouchy) so you must repeat to yourself over and over that you are not your flesh, your soul is what matters. this is VERY difficult to understand, let alone embrace. i am not so sure i have done it myself, judging from my foul, defeatist mood lately.

i commend you for taking this as a learning experience -- take what you can from it, and apply it in the future. it doesn't need to be a big lesson...just something so that this suffering is not in vain, and that most importantly, it doesn't repeat itself to fuel the vicious circle. when you lose the weight will things become better? probably, on the surface it will. as you said yourself, the underlying problem is the one that needs to be addressed and evaluated; and yes, a psychologist can very much help you with that. i applaud you for your courage in admitting you/me/us have a problem.

last but not least...i can 100% guarantee you will have another boyfriend. lean on your family for support, if you have to, ask for help -- i know some families can be tough. don't avoid them...you'll feel even more isolated. and as always, keep coming back here to hang out with all these fantastic women for encouragement.

here's to the day (soon, i know it) when you can zip those pants back up again PM me if you'd like to chat about what you're eating, exercise habits, etc. i'm here for you. xoxo.

oh thank you for such a beautiful post.
today is day 7 for me ... even though i came home and ate quite a lot of cookies but i didn't went over my daily calorie intake.

day 74.
my thoughts go out to everyone who is struggling at the moment. Try to stay positive and remember all the good things that you have done

For all those that are struggling - I feel for every one of you, I know how depressed this can make you feel. All of your posts sound like what I have been through many times. You all can learn from this & turn it around for the better. I wish you all the best!

Day 6- I've been having a hard time too, been over eating everyday for quite a while, not because I'm hungry. It's been so long I lost count of the days. I'm over my calorie limit by hundreds everyday & I can't stop. Everyday I say I will stay below by limit & never do it. Six days ago it was so bad I felt it was a binge. But everyday since, i keep eating way too much even though I'm not hungry, just need to constantly eat through out the day. Today wasn't too bad cause I feel so full, but I feel so guilty & ashamed. I keep thinking to myself that normal people don't do this, i wish I was normal. I feel so bad for doing this for so long, I'm starting day 1 again tomorrow. I'm going to clean the slate, forget it happened & move on.

Day 8

FRUITLADY, I love your new picture! And congrats on day 6!

Leblebi, ravensglen, misssunshine, krampus, let's keep trying. Never quit. I know you all don't feel like you're the best right now. I don't feel my best, either. But let's fake it till it happens. Let's keep at it, and we will be our best again. All I know is that it's important to to keep trying, to exercise, to take those vitamins, to think happy thoughts. Do something different and fun. I'm not preaching. This is what I'm doing to stay sane.LOL Yesterday to make sure I was out of the house during my difficult 3-4 pm time, I got a pedicure. It really helped me. Not only did that give me strength, but kept me from doing anything stupid. Today I signed up for a Zumba class. Even though I'm not where I was a few weeks ago, I totally gave it my all, and felt so much better afterwards. Can't wait till my next class. Let's keep going. We can keep strong together.

Good luck to all of us!

Tyla

leblebi, missunshine, krampus, tubbaki, tyla, fruitlady --

Thank you so much for your words and thoughts. I can't tell you how much I appreciate them. I honestly think the most comforting thing is to know that we are NOT alone. That gives us the strength to continue, even when we struggle and feel like quitting.

I sympathize (and empathize!) with a lot of you who are avoiding the scale and mirrors. For the past week, I tried not to look in the mirror, too, because I would just say ugly things about myself. I decided that I need something to keep reminding myself why I'm doing this, so I wrote a list of "10 commandments" on a sheet of paper and I have been keeping it in my pocket this week. When I have moments of weakness, I pull it out and read it over and over again to reassure myself. For those of you this may help, this is my list:

1. do not talk bad about yourself
2. stay away from the scale
3. stay away from foods that you know will lead to a binge.
4. eat to nourish my body and feel healthy
5. stay away from fashion/health/women's/fitness magazines
6. Do nice things for your body, i.e. taking a bath, painting your nails, etc.
7. dress to EXPRESS yourself, not IMPRESS others.
8. be proud of who you are
9. Enjoy your physical activities; avoid those that make you miserable.
10. do not talk badly about yourself (I know this is a repeat, but it's important!)

Fruitlady -- I am with you on the overeating thing. Today, I ate probably nearly 1000 calories about my maintenance goal -- ack.

I am trying to think deeply about why I overeat, and I think it really comes down to the fact that I've turned eating into this really enjoyable ritual. I've combined food with breaks at work. I eat and do enjoyable things like surf the web and watch tv. That combo sets me up to want to eat whenever I need a break. So I am going to set up a separate challenge for myself -- when I eat, I must only eat and focus entirely on my food. No web surfing or tv watching! So day one of my personal no binging/no multi-tasking challenge will start tomorrow.

Day 2. Gonna stick with it!

Today is Day 2. Yesterday I didn't count or measure or weigh. I spent a lot of quality time hanging out with my mom (she goes back to America tomorrow T_T) and painted my nails. I enjoyed dinner out with two normal eaters and kept the treats in check. I also didn't overeat by much or binge, and woke up feeling awesome. I looked in the mirror today and saw a pretty face. I think these things are related. We can get through this. Really, we can.

I also want to say "thank you" to everyone for sharing their struggles and being so supportive, as this thread/forum is the closest thing to a real support group I have available. It's really opened my mind and shown me that people of all sizes and walks of life can suffer from the same afflictions, and we are all in this together.

day 31! so close to getting through march!

today I had a nerve racking job interview (panel of 4) OMG! and I survived with no binging.. I am AWESOME! I can beat this binge eating disorder and have a great life after all

1 day binge free