Great thread! Kaplods- you rock!!

For years my father's asked me when he calls "you aren't eating junk food are you? how much are you exercising?"..I know he asks interested in my health but each time I feel even worse about myself. I also hate having heard all my life "you'd look good if you weren't fat" or "you've got potential (meaning if you were thin you'd be hot)".

I try to let it all go but some days are harder than others. It's hard dealing with what others say and it's even harder when it's a boyfriend who doesn't realise his comments are actually a form of emotional abuse. You aren't alone though and his head's up his behind if he can't see how beautiful of a person you are.

Isn't it times like this you just wanna tell people to mind their own business?

when I weighed 345 pounds I was really insecure, and I remember one time on my way into gym class, these girls I was sort of friends with were talking to some guys and as I walked by the guy goes 'THAT is why we have Jenny Craig'. The "friends" started laughing. I was really embarrassed and pretty much felt like crying. But back then I never did anything, I basically just walked away, blushed, and wished that no one would say anything.

Now, I'm way thinner, and people treat me WAY better and it kind of pisses me off. I feel like when I'm in some social situations, I just think "wow if this was a year ago none of these guys would be being this friendly. None of these guys would be putting their arm around me and telling me jokes." I guess I over-think things, but looking back now I wish I'd have stood up for myself.

And the insulting doesn't end once you get to a more healthy weight (I'm not skinny yet but I carry my weight pretty well). People who see me now and haven't seen me in a while seriously can be such idiots. My mom's sort of friend saw me and goes to her husband, "Do you remember Nicole?" and he didn't recognize me so she holds her arms out really wide and goes "You know, THAT Nicole". My jaw droppped and I was like "Um, hold on a second" and walked away in shock. Then people just compliment stupidly. One guy goes "You look WAY better now than you used to." Ummmm. I usually just say "Um, thanks? I guess?" Then people are constantly asking how much I weigh! And I'm like "Well, I've probably got another 30 - 40 pounds to go before I'm at my goal weight." Trying to keep it vague.

People are annoying, I guess I've never really known how to deal with it. Haha

[QUOTE=sweetsmmr91;3791198]when I weighed 345 pounds I was really insecure, and I remember one time on my way into gym class, these girls I was sort of friends with were talking to some guys and as I walked by the guy goes 'THAT is why we have Jenny Craig'. The "friends" started laughing. Now, I'm way thinner, and people treat me WAY better and it kind of pisses me off. And the insulting doesn't end once you get to a more healthy weight (I'm not skinny yet but I carry my weight pretty well).

In my humble opinion, walking away from these situations and not saying anything was probably the best thing to do. I can really relate to what you are saying. I don't know how to handle these remarks either, but I wanted you to know you are not alone in this and thank you for letting me know that I am not either. I've had people make rude remarks, pig noises, give the up and down look. When I was thin, I got rude remarks and looks, they were just different remarks, but still rude.

I dont' think what someone weighs is anyones business except maybe their doctors. I use to try to humor people who wanted to know what I weigh, how much have I lost, how much do I plan to lose, asking me if what I am eating is on my diet. Now I don't talk about any of this at all. I just say, it isn't any of your business. Rude? Maybe. But they are being rude by asking!

Take care of YOU.

Elaine

Goodness humanity makes me cringe sometimes!

Seriously I'd KILL to be 128 lbs! And some guy has the nerve to say being over 120 lbs is fat?! Why am I so sure he didn't weigh under 120 lbs?

My mom's friend was married to a guy like that- each time she got pregnant he told her she's got so much time to lose that fat. I was like is he freaking kidding?! And the dude was NOT skinny at all which is what made me even more angry.

I'm so tired of ignorant people I just call them out on it now and make them feel embarassed- hopefully it'll teach them their behavior is inappropriate though I doubt it. And btw I notice a HUGE difference in how people treat me now that I'm 45 lbs lighter! It is annoying.

Ug sorry what was the topic again?! lol.

Good for you for dumping that guy- what a jerk! As for other people simply don't discuss weight with them or point out their behavior. Even if they say "I'm just trying to help" say "well you AREN'T helping me, I need support, not criticism, and if you can't give that then it's better to just not say anything at all."

For a few years I had this problem with my brother in law and his girlfriend. Actually I just blogged about it in my blog via this site. They would say to my husband (then fiance) "Why are you even with a fat chick, you're a musician, you should be with models" and would constantly tell me I was worthless and would never amount to anything because I was fat.

I realized later that it had nothing to do with me and more to do with other ridiculous insecurities they had about me and my weight was easier for them to attack. I think that was the same with your ex, he used the weight as something against you to accomplish some other twisted goal he was trying to achieve.

Sweetsmmr91, it is interesting that you bring up people being nice to you now that you are skinny and it makes you mad. That is one of the fears that holds me back personally. I am afraid that I will always be questioning if they are really nice to me and if the new people I will meet would have still liked me when I was fat.

I have the same th ing with my family. Its always been that way. But when we were all together for a Visitation no less, I kept my head held high and talked to everybody with positivity and never ever let them even get a chance to think about negative thoughts. It worked for me. I know its not always easy to stay positive, believe me. But if you do it long enough, it will eventually get inside of you to believe that its true and it is. Our size does not define us of the people we are and only stupid narrow minded people think that. ((HUGS))

Wow, I cannot even imagine being treated that way by my boyfriend. I'm so sorry you have to deal with that, and I have to admit I have to idea how you could fix it when that's what you have to work with.

As for the stares in public, I wonder how much of it is actual and how much is imagined because of the crap you have to deal with from the people you love. 220 pounds at your height is not a stare-inducing weight.

I am very glad he is your "ex". You need someone who loves you, thinks you are beautiful, and supports you no matter what in your life, and no less.
I guess as far as being criticized for being overweight, I just don't have a lot of experience with that other than my own criticism for myself. My family is pretty loving and supportive. Other people never really bother me about it or stare (that I notice). My own inner talk more than makes up for it though, I need to learn to love myself and talk better to myself.
I think that is definitely key to dealing with criticism from anyone, you need to really develop self-love and confidence, no matter what anyone says or what you look like. In reality, our own self is all we really have (and God if you believe), and everyone else is able to leave at the drop of a hat, so we better love ourselves and get along with the person we are ! :-) no matter what others think.

If we are being fair and honest ?

Dude was smokin' hot until he opened his mouth and mean and stupid fell out ...funny how that makes a person ugly quick

"Call me fat again and I will come over there and eat you."

to all of you!

When I read this I immediately thought of a comeback (not that I would have if I was there at the moment).
Wouldn't it have been great if you had looked at the guy and said "and you are the reason why we have birth control!!"

Gives me the giggles just thinking about you saying it.

I'm probably much older than you. My issues with food are deep rooted in my childhood home life

When I was young I got harassed so much for my weight also. Getting older has helped me because now I look like someones mom so young people don't bother me anymore.

I've also stop feeling like less of a person because I'm fat. I work in the medical field. Being fat doesn't stop me from working my butt off. And working in this field I've come to the conclusion that everyone has their vices in this life. One or another. Mine is food. Kicked cigarettes in my early 20's. But not my battle with food.

When you pack extra pounds people can treat you so badly. I swear drug addicts and alcoholics get treated with more empathy than fat people. It seems in this society you can beat your spouse and kids and do anything but as long as you look good when you walk out the door of your house, people will treat you well.

I'm through with it. I won't apologize or let anyone ridicule me anymore.

I wasn't thin enough for someone to want to date me seriously. I wasn't open and warm enough for him. I should be more this and that. My outward reaction was a shrug and a "That's nice, dear."

I have to admit that a little part of me died that day. It also served to knock me from 290 to 265. I'm currently back at 285. Sick as it sounds, I've kept him in my life (no longer "involved") and I really wish he'd be that kind of nasty to me again because I'm struggling right now.