Well, those of you who know me know that I've had a pretty rough go of late.
Managed to gain back about ten pounds, and did not manage to stick to my exercise routine.
One of the things that is really hurting me is that those ten pounds FEEL like 100 lbs.
I just don't really remember what it felt like to be morbidly obese. I can feel the ten pounds and the ten pounds fells like 100 lbs.
I have to keep reminding myself over and over that I'm not back to being the same old UBER. I can still run. I can still wear normal-sized clothes. I'm not that lady who could barely squeeze into a 24, who couldn't walk up a hill without getting winded, whose lower legs used to swell every night.
I read something recently that really spoke to me. It discussed the difference between a lapse and a relapse. A lapse is when you temporarily screw up, but then you try to get back on track. A relapse is when you say "screw it, I messed up, what's the point...?"
I found that thought really helpful. Clearly, I've had a lapse, but I keep reminding myself that I still weigh less, by a whole lot, than I did at any point in the last 20 years. I was morbidly obese for TWENTY YEARS. And now I'm not. So, a lapse does not get me all the way back to square one.
When I was morbidly obese, I didn't really "get" how huge I was and now I don't seem to "get" that I'm really not huge just because the scale crept up a little.
So confusing.