Hi there! This has nothing to do with the plan but i know so many by now that i need a little encouragement! My dad passed away the day after Christmas and I was ok....until now The past week or so it's REALLY hit me that he's not coming home from the hospital as he had a lung transplant and went in often.

So I took it upon myself to find a bereavement group nearby and tonight is the FIRST night and i want to throw up! I'm scared to death to walk in there an potentially have to talk. I don't know how big the group is and my bf said he would go if i wanted him too but i feel that he couldn't relate like i could and that i need to brave this alone. How do i do this without my mother or brother going ?

Just take a deep breath, remember those people are going through the same thing you are, so it will be beneficial. And remember, if you don't like it you don't HAVE to stay

*hug* Sorry about your dad

So sorry to hear about your Dad.

Just go to the group. It will be OK. The people there will understand what you are going though. You should not have to talk unless you want to. If they ask you to speak and you don't feel like talking, just shake your head. They will understand.

You know, maybe take your BF up on his offer. He doesn't have to relate at all - he can just BE THERE for you and that's great. Maybe you ease into it and three meetings down the line you go alone, or whatever feels comfortable. Adding extra stress isn't going to help. I've been to group meetings with a friend on a subject I had NO connection to, but only went so she felt more comfortable at the start.

Good luck, Heather - that has to be so hard to go through. Don't feel you have to "get over" anything in any set time. You adjust as you need to and maybe try to remember a good memory each day to go along with the sadness.

I work for a cemetery, so I know this all too well. Take your bf with you. Even if he cannot relate, his presense will calm you. You do not have to speak. Hearing others peoples experiences may shed some light on how to cope easier. but remember, grieving is a natural process and you must let yourself do so. The fear is in not knowing the group. I am sure you will feel right at home, knowing these people are all going through the same sort of thing as you. Kind of like with WW meetings. We feel comfortable because we share something with everyone single person in that room. But, yeah, take your bf for support. I know it is hard, but our meetings here at my work are so helpful to those who come.

Best wishes to you.

When my husband died very unexpectedly and way too young, I struggled with being able to feel my grief. I finally realized that my struggle was with the fact that it was so immense, I was terrified to open the floodgates to see what was going to come out. I finally found a grief counselor to give me a push. It turned out to be a very small push -- but so important.

You need to feel those feelings, and maybe your fear is the same as mine was -- it's just a lot to process! And it will happen in fits and starts. So yes, do go, and take on as much or as little as you're ready for. But don't be afraid to let it out. Sooner or later, you have to do that.

I wish you all the best with facing your pain.

Thanks everyone, i really appreciate your kind words. Well i did go after a huge fight with my bf because I guess there was miscommunication and i have trouble saying "I need you to go instead i say do you want to go with me"! So i took offense to him not coming and wanting to go but then realized that he doesn't understand. He's never lost a close family member. We talked about that in the meeting, sometimes it's hard for other's to really understand until they go through it.

So i went home with a better, clearer head and realized that there are some things i just can't go to him with for the support i need. Lesson learned lol!!!

I am glad to hear you went and it was positive for you. Don't give up on the bf I am sure if he cares about you he is trying to be there for you

I'm sorry about your Dad .

I'm glad the meeting went well for you. Even though it is scary to go to the support meeting, they are defiantly a huge help.

Take Care!

I'm glad i went too! I'm also kinda glad it's monthly for right now instead of weekly. It made me sad because as i talked about my dad last night the leader kept saying what a wonderful man he was....and he was!! There were 500+ at the wake and 200 friends and family at the funeral, what a tribute! Life isn't fair sometimes but i know he's with me