The weather is starting to warm up and I'm very excited about going hiking and biking soon. I got a whole bunch of cute and comfortable shirts on sale at Sports Authority yesterday (20% off on top of clearance prices, I'm so glad I just happened to decide to go look at their weights!) and I'm really looking forward to wearing them.
The problem is, when I start to think about actually doing it I get panicked about the thought of being around other people. Last summer I ended up going hiking a lot less than I would have simply because when the weekend came I didn't want to go in case we ran into people on the trail.
Biking holds another problem for me because when I lived in Indiana we had abundant trails. My husband and I would go out for day long rides and pack a lunch and everything. But there are no trails to be found here because everyone bikes on the road. I'm terrified by this. I wish I could say it is because I'm afraid of being hit by a car, but really it's just that I'm afraid of being in the way and aggravating people. I would rather not do something I enjoy than aggravate strangers.
I do not want to miss out on all the fun outdoors stuff this year. I even bought a nice sunscreen for my sensitive skin last summer that I ended up not using. I want it to be all used up by this winter! My plan is to force myself to do something outside at least once every weekend no matter what so it becomes a habit.
I'm still afraid that I'll end up hiding again all summer though. It's so silly that is bothers me so much but even the idea of it makes me feel horribly nervous. I start to worry about looking bad, annoying someone, being in the way, people thinking I'm fat, etc. And even though I tell myself no one is going to care about or even notice me enough to think those things I can't make it stop.