Hi Liliann,
You post was one of the reasons I came out of lurk-dom. I can relate so well to everything you said. I hate that you're frustrated and I wish it was easier, but nothing in life worthwhile is ever easy. Getting a degree takes work, relationships take work, having a home takes work, and weight loss is no different. Sometimes I think the more we want something, the more it costs us so that we can appreciate it more when we achieve it. How often do you see some 16 year old kid with a new car driving recklessly? If they had to work to buy that car do you think they'd be so reckless? So we have to work really hard to be healthy, and when we get to that point it will still be work to maintain it. But ask yourself this... will you have pride that you got yourself there? That you overcame so much to get there?
I have to say I agree with pretty much everything Nola said. I track calories and at first it was a huge headache for me. It drove me bananas! After a few months though, it becomes second nature almost. I don't personally measure out stuff and I don't own a food scale, I just make my food using the suggested portion sizes, or divide it up if I want less of it. So say I make a salad and instead of using the suggested 2 tablespoons or dressing for 90 calories, I use 1 tablespoon and dilute it with a few drops of water so it spreads better and I cut the calories down to 45. Also, I keep a food diary. It keeps me aware of what I eat, because sometimes it gets away from me. I will likely have to do this forever to stay with it, but it only takes a minute or two a day to do this and as I said, it does become second nature in time... just like brushing your teeth in the morning or making your bed. You might actually prefer to just outright plan you meals. You could make a menu for a week, pre-count your calories and maybe plan a few alternate meals in case you just don't feel like having something one of those days. That way you know you're on plan ahead of time and you can make adjustments for the following week if you find your calories are too low or maybe eating 4 times a day instead of 3 would keep the hunger at bay. Just something to think about maybe. I spent some time learning how to eat again. I still struggle with portion sizes and often buy prepacked stuff, like NSA applesauce cups instead of one big jar. I can't take a bag of celery sticks into the living room, I need to portion it out on a plate. I have this thing where I feel compelled to clear my plate, like if I don't I'm going to 'get in trouble', so I make sure what is on my plate is a decent portion, but not enough to stuff me. I don't need to be full to discomfort. It took me months to realize that just because I wasn't so full that I could barely move, doesn't mean I'm still hungry. It turns out, I can't read my body that well when it comes to hunger and thirst and from what I have read, that's a common problem when you start a weight loss plan.
You said you crave sweets, and I know exactly how you feel. I have a mega sweet tooth. I don't know about you, but for me I cannot sustain a diet for long if its based on deprivation of any kind. I am a firm believer in "everything in moderation." If you know you crave sweets, you could try low fat yogurt or maybe those 100 calorie packs. Yoplait has these awesome things called parfaits and jello has some sugar free mousse that's awesome. when its TMI for me, I reach for the SF jello chocolate mousse. Its 60 calories and purely decadent. I know that these aren't "healthy" compared to raw veggies and the like, but I would rather eat one of those (in moderation) than cave and binge on a whole box of Oreo's and then still be snacky afterward. Don't get me wrong, I eat a ton of veggies and salad, but I know that just saying no forever to myself isn't going to happen. I accept this, and I make adjustments so that its still healthier if that makes sense at all. It is also good to try to recognize trigger foods. If I eat certain foods, it sets me on a tailspin where I just want more and more of these foods that don't exactly like me. I avoid them at all costs once I recognize what they are. I try to substitute healthier, lower cal options for them. For example, I was dying for cheesecake Tuesday, so I had a raspberry cheesecake Yoplait light, 110 calories and it killed my craving without blowing out my calorie budget. On the other hand, we ordered pizza for the Super Bowl, and I couldn't seem to stop myself from eating. Finally I just said to my husband "dude... get it away from me now!" I also find that sometimes when I feel snacky, if I really think about it, its not hunger. I usually chug some water and if in 10 minutes I'm still hungry, I'll have something small. Nine times out of ten, the water takes care of it.
You mentioned you get hungry every 3 hours or so, and I feel you. I actually time my meals out. I eat breakfast within 2 hours of waking, then I eat lunch 4-5 hours after, with dinner following 5-6 hours after that. I set the alarm on my cellphone so I don't space out and skip meals. I was a serial meal skipper, then I'd have a massive 3000 calorie meal. It didn't work too well for me. I eat most of my calories at lunch so that I don't have a super full stomach too close to bed. I get around 1200 calories a day doing this, sometimes fluctuating up to 1400 or so if I'm having a day of "hungry horrors" as my husband calls them. Having 1200 calories usually allows for some snacking during the day for me. Ultimately, you need to find what works for you, what foods you like and how they affect your body. You might need more iron than some, less carbs than others, but you might just need to do some trial and error to find the best fit. Its not a set in stone path for everyone. Are you using a calorie intake calculator thingy? I know that they're not always spot on, but it is a good starting off point. If you find you're still hungry, you could always load up on a salad. Lettuce has so little calories, and as long as you keep your dressing in check, you could have a very large portion for very little cost. Those salad spritzers are cool, 10 sprays for 10 calories. I was using them at first to keep the cals down, but now I find I don't like the mouth fell of a standard dressing and I have to water them down like I said earlier.
As far as putting your needs last, that should change. You matter, and you're worth it. Why should you be left for last? Never let anyone, even yourself, make you think that you aren't worth the time. Setting time aside for yourself is so important, even if its just an hour a day where your time is just for you. Nola is right, crafting is awesome. One of my many hobbies was cake decorating and I had to give it up because there is nothing worse for me but to be elbow deep in homemade buttercream and fondant. I ended up going back to cross stitching. I'm currently working on a massive Super Mario Bros afghan and I pick it up every time I have the munchies. I have also used this time to work on breaking some bad habits. For example, I stopped biting my nails, so Nola's suggestion of a mani is right up my alley. Maybe indulge in some new nail polish for the spring and just change the colors every day. I just bought a bunch of Zoya polish, and its amazing, so I put a new color on constantly. I love getting all girly, doing my hair and makeup. Even if I'm staying home, its still 'me time'. Sometimes I give my skin some love since its going through **** right now. I give myself a facial or grab some lotion and just work it out. I'm also a gamer, and contrary to popular belief, I eat less playing World of Warcraft than I do not playing. I've also taken to reading. I read everything I can get my hands on. Amazon kindle has a free app for the pc and they offer a ton of free books. Mostly the classics, but hey, free is free. Maybe you like playing cards, or maybe you like sewing... whatever your hobbies are, go for it. Not only will you be keeping yourself busy but this will also satisfy the need to have 'me time'. Two birds with one stone.
The most important thing is you keep getting back up on the horse. Every set back has a lesson to be learned, every perceived "fail" is just another chance at success. You never truly fail unless you give up entirely. Just remember, the members here are amazing and will be here for you no matter what. You can do this chickie, I have faith in you.