Ok, I have read tons of threads here on this issue, BUT, here's another one.
I am comparing myself to others lately, and I have tried to stop, but it always sneaks back into my thoughts. On paper, I can see that I have lost 80 lbs., but in reality, when I look in the mirror, I truly can't see it. There are truly times when I feel like I still weigh 235. Sizing doesn't help (as we all know), because I am all over the place with sizes. I wear mostly size 8 pants now, but I also still have 10s that fit, and even a size 6 pair of jeans that are obviously vanity sized.
I think that losing the weight very quickly has not given my brain time to catch up with my body. Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled that this has not had to be a long, drawn-out process for me, but it is very strange to say the least. Almost every day there is something new that is monumental for me and it's as if I have been cast into a world that I can't really grasp.
Tonight I was at the gym on the treadmill. A girl came in who was built totally different from me. She had the type of figure that I can only envy. Total hourglass, big bust and butt, small waist. She was a few inches shorter than me. She got on the stationary bike right in front of me. So, bored as I was, running along, I was watching her go thru her routine of putting her numbers into the bike panel. She entered 133 for her weight and I was floored. I would have guessed probably about 170. I was not judging her at all, just observing. However, my mind immediately went to "if she weighs 133......you still weigh 155.....and your goal is 135....and if you still look like you weigh that much when you get to 135....yada, yada, yada.
It's amazing how I was envying her very pretty figure when she came in and then my stupid brain went right to comparing numbers on a scale.
Why, why, why? Why is it that I went years without giving a darn about what I ate or how I looked and now I'm overly obsessed with all of this stupid stuff. I am venting here because I don't want these thoughts to run my weight loss efforts into the ditch. I want this to be permanent but I am tired of thinking that I have to be perfect.
That feels better. Sorry about the rant.