Hi. I'm Sabrina, and I'm fat. The stats on the side tell you my starting weight but don't tell you that this weight is 40 pounds heavier than my previous starting weight... last year... when I first started blogging/posting. Obviously I'm great at sticking to things, huh? Well this time it's different, and I'm doing this. And I'm 33 days into it and I'm down 16 pounds and 7.5 inches overall so far.
Forgive me for the long winded post - you will soon find out that is something I do a lot - I deflect my depression and horror at my own situation with humor. I hope, though, that you can identify with it, and it brings a smile to your face nonetheless.
Tell me if this sounds familiar:
- Your jeans have to be replaced because you've worn holes in the crotch/thigh areas.
- You use your butt for a hand rest.
- It looks plenty big enough on the rack... but it won't come up past your thighs.
- You're the only one who knows how to take your own picture. Everyone else takes pictures of you and you always look fat. So you've mastered the "head shot" because you look good from the chest up.
- You're not hungry, but it sounds good. So you eat it. Or.... you're full, but you're "almost" done so you finish it anyway. And the few bites left on your (DH/DS/DD/Insert anyone else)'s plate, too, because it would be wrong to waste the food.
- 2 liter bottles of soda disappear in an hour or less.
- You don't buy dessert. You just super size your meal and get a milkshake with that.
- You can't wear a skirt because of friction burn.
- You get sweat marks on your clothes where the fat creases are on your body.
- You get short of breath tying your shoes.
- You cross your legs like a guy because that's all you can do.
- You're frequently asked when you're "due."
- Your kids jiggle your belly for entertainment.
- You buy "long" shirts to cover your butt because you think it hides how big it is.
- Why is it that stores think if you are overweight, you can't have curves? My waist is smaller than my hips... so either pants always fit my hips and are too big on my waist, or they fit my waist but are too tight on my hips! The few places that have pants that fit me, price them at $50 minimum for one pair of pants! As if I can afford that?? Why should I be doomed to elastic waist pants for the rest of my life?
- Why, if obesity is at epidemic proportions in this country, do they make it unaffordable to eat healthy? Am I the only one who notices that healthy food seems to cost at least 2 - 3 times more than unhealthy, over-preserved crap?
- Why can't they make the "good" stuff taste better? Y'know, people can take pictures on their phones and get driving directions from their car, but they can't seem to come up with a "healthy" meal that doesn't taste like packing peanuts.
- Is there a written law somewhere that all plus size swimming suits must have orange and magenta flowers on them?
- Why, when they design clothing for plus size women, do they not take into consideration the need for more fabric in the front to make up for that material that is lifting up over your waistline because you also have large breasts.
- Why do thin people assume that because you are fat, that you got that way by sitting on your butt eating chips and bon bons? Personally, the only time I am able to sit is when I check e-mail or drive somewhere, I don't like potato chips and I need to look bon bons up in the dictionary because I don't know what they are, much less have eaten one.
So.. random thoughts. Anyway... I wanted to get them out there, because they're all problems I have.
My plan was to get off my butt and get moving. I've done that. I recently bought some workout clothes. And I've already got some DVD's (Walk Away the Pounds, Biggest Loser, Beginners Yoga) that I was using last time I started my journey. Let's hope they do me better this time around.
The fact is, I never had illusions of being a skinny girl. I don't want to be one of those petite, size 2, flat stomach, bikini babes. Okay, that's a lie. I WOULD like to be one. But I know I never will be. I'm a big girl. I'm tall. My LEG is a size 2.
What I need to be is healthy. Healthy enough that I can play with my kids until THEY get tired, not me. Healthy enough that I can enjoy activities instead of looking for the next spot to sit down and take a break. Healthy enough to not be the "fat" friend that people pity. Healthy enough that my "health meter" says "ideal weight" instead of "severely obese."
Exercise is easy for me. Don't get me wrong. I think Bob Harper wants to kill me. But the act of exercise being added to my routine isn't difficult for me. My huge issue is that I don't know how to cook. I burn water. So cooking healthy foods is hard. Knowing what to buy... and how to prepare it. I just don't know that stuff.
Did I mention my husband is 6'1" and 140 pounds? Yeah... so it's not like we can diet together or anything....
One day at a time, though, right? Right.
Okay, I'll shut up now... if you're still with me, thanks for reading.