I was on the treadmill at my apartment complex today, I usually try to just focus on the task at hand (foot?)while i'm there but today two ladies came and started their workouts at the same time.
Normally I wouldn't think anything of it but for the longest time only one treadmill had been working. So one of the very fit looking women hopped on the one next to me. It was weird. I pretty sure I saw her was looking over at my speeds incline etc etc and I felt embarrassed. So i'm having this inner dialogue with myself, feeling bad and then I said something that was surprising to myself. I don't know this person but in my head I said she was better than me. Really? Have I been so shallow as to believe that because she was more fit than I that she was better? I mean yes, her taking care of herself is a good trait, but should I think she was better and that I deserved to feel low? I don't know her, I don't know if she is sweet, or kind, or compassionate or anything of the things I thought I used to define "better" by. Also do you just get used to people checking your status while on a machine? She looked so I took a look and honestly I didn't gain anything by seeing how fast she was going.
I think i'm also sensitive because it had been awhile since I had been on the treadmill I was picking up where I left off after a hard time. So maybe I just need to chill and try to change that mentality that says that skinny=better, or that being skinny is a sign that someone is good. Bleh sorry I just needed to put it out there. This ever happen to anyone else?
Edited also to say that this seems to be a standard I was holding myself too, it was about MY weight and MY weakness, not anyone elses. Bleh.