Without going into way to much detail, I'll say that I just want permission to feel how I feel. I want to talk about the disappointing things in life without someone trying to convince me that I'm wrong and that I'm giving up too soon.
I've referred to the fact that my son has non-life threatening chronic medical issues in previous posts. We see our specialists regularly and I thought it would be best to see them all on winter break from school so that he didn't miss school to see them during the school year. On the other hand, it gives me back to back opportunity for disappointment, day after day for two weeks, while we see everyone. Yesterday we had two appointments and they both contained bad news.
We've been doing this for five years. I just feel so alone sometimes. I just wish that I could talk to one family member or friend without someone trying to convince me that someday things will magically be fixed. I don't trust doctors blindly. We've dealt with out share of doctors and understand that sometimes, they aren't so accurate. On the other hand, I've read the available information and studies. I've done my research. I know that what they are trying to sell me on is basically a miracle, and those don't come along everyday.
For once I would like to have a conversation with someone and not be told that I'm giving up too soon. I'd like to feel and express my grief over another lost hope or dream without feeling wrong for it. Before you say that I need to talk it over with them, just understand that I've tried.
Sometimes people get sick and don't get better. It's not because you haven't tried hard enough, it's not because you didn't believe enough, it's not going away just because you pretend that everything is "fine".
I'm an emotional eater. I've eaten my way up to my high weight dealing with emotions with food. Pasting a smile on and playing the perfect mother of a sick kid and eating my way through it. Neither way has proved to be healthy for me and I just need a real conversation and a cry not cake with lots of icing.