I had a whole post typed up, but then I kind of felt like I was bad-mouthing my mom so I decided not to post it. Long story short, I do partially blame her for my negative relationships with food, exercise, and body image. But, if I blame her for this and that and do nothing, I'm getting nowhere. So I acknowledge the fact that yes, if certain things hadn't happened, I might have an entirely different relationship with food, etc., but I'm an adult and any choices I make are on ME, not anyone else.

oh totally. my mom's at fault for this. so much so that i'm pretty sure that, had i decided to go live with my dad instead of her, when they gave me a choice as a 12.y.o. when they divorced, i'm pretty sure that i would never have been overweight.

but to say that i "blame" her is a bit harsh though. i guess after a certain age, it became my fault, and it's my own problem to solve.

but yeah, from age 12 and up, my only example was my mother who was in a perpetual state of "dieting" and would yo-yo between 250 and 170 (my estimate) every couple of years. she was also a very busy business woman and was never home before 8pm or later and so most night, dinner was me and my tv together, and whatever crap was easily accessible. i went from a normal-sized kid to a little fattie that year after i moved with my mom. and then it only got worse. my brother however went to live with my dad, and he never got fat (until he moved out and started drinking too much beer, haha); they had a much stronger "family life" and would eat meals together at the table and such...

anyways, i can dither all i want about whose fault it is, but the fact is, i'm fat now and if i wanna do something about it, reminiscing about the past isn't gonna help.

that said, i'm gonna learn from my mistakes and now i really know what NOT to do when i have kids. haha...

Not really, but there is one thing I wish my parents had done differently. My mom and I joined weight watchers together several times between when I was 12 and 18. But she would never stop bringing items like chips and soda into the house, because she didn't want to "punish" my father and sister for us being fat. Well, my father and sister eat those things a couple times a week; obviously, I got into them a bit more.

I don't think my mom taking me to WW as young as 12 damaged me or anything like that. I already knew I was much fatter than the other kids at school and I wanted to lose weight. However, I also was embarassed to be on a diet and it's hard to secretely be on a diet at school. While my parents did keep some junk food in the house, it wasn't tons and they cooked sensible dinners. It was outside of the house that was the big problem. I ate a lot of junk at school and friend's houses. I knew these foods were not healthy and made me fat. But in my kid logic, I was already fat so might as well eat them!

Pretty much. I don't blame them as an excuse to not remedy the situation but how we are raised is important. First of all, from tiny to teenager there was never one fresh vegetable or fruit in my home. They made canned veggies rarely and smothered them with butter. That disgusts me to where I still have a bit of an anger issue toward them on it because they always made sure they had the house stocked with diet soda. Also, both my parents knew they ate massive amounts of unhealthy food but instead of ever exercising or dieting they would just make comments about themselves like "I should lose weight", said jokingly. That alone is unhealthy to hear because although we learn most from our parents actions if they put themselves down in front of their children that doesn't set a good example of how to have correct self esteem and self worth which only adds to weight problems.

That said, I don't think it's because they didn't love me but at a certain point you need to at least look into what you are eating, how you are cooking and why your child is gaining weight. And, anything less than that is pretty self centered or detached even if it's because of being in denial yourself and unable to help other family members. It's not right. It's not good parenting.

There is a reason we have an obesity epidemic and I personally think it doesn't have much at all to do with the fattening food available and more to do with parents and what they teach and purchase and how they teach kids to get involved in activities and have self esteem.

I don't blame my parents because I don't think they necessarily fed me unhealthy food, I had mostly home cooked meals growing up as my mom loves cooking so she cooked and baked all the time. She is not a nutritionist, as most people aren't, and she gave us what could be considered by her, good food. I grew up in the Caribbean and while we do have processed foods on hand we also have a lot of fresh/organic foods on hand as well. Fridays were normally our fast food nights and they were a treat, occasionally we would have fastfood during the week when my mom came home from work tired. My sister didn't like to eat and I on the other hand LOVED food and would be happy to eat hers.

My parents weren't food dictators and I didn't grow up gorging myself with them turning a blind eye. I think I just would eat all the time and not necessarily a lot in one sitting so I don't think it was obvious. In thinking about it, I can't really see how my parents would have prevented me from being fat, as when I was a kid I wasn't fat so it wasn't because of what they fed me. As I got older and didn't have a bedtime, esp during the summer I'd stay up and eat snacks and watch tv with my sister all throughout the night. My parents were asleep. At school I could eat whatever I wanted and that I did. You buy various snacks and candies and in high school almost daily my friend and I would stop for a meal at a local fast food place before heading home.

I then moved to America and quick, easy and unhealthy food became even more readily available so I continued to eat to my heart's content.

Sooo yea...I don't think it is my parent's fault. I do believe you learn from them but I also think that we come with our own quirks. For example, my sister and I are raised in the same home and she didn't like eating while I did, no one is to blame, that's just how it is. I have loved food from ever since I can remember.

When I become a parent, I do plan to cook healthy meals and teach my kids about healthy habits without being a dictator about it and going overboard to where I am monitoring every little thing and then they in reverse develop some other bad habit due to negative associations with food and eating. I think there is a fine line between making things relaxed, natural and making food fun without overindulging kids or being too strict. Start them with good habits, then the rest is out of your hands. I plan on ensuring my FAMILY is active and eats well. Some parents don't exercise or eat well but judge their kids or send them to play sports etc. That is all good and well, but I'd rather we as a family engage in activities together and yes I will enroll my child in some physical activity if he/she likes it, if they don't like it then we will just do active things together as a family to make sure they're getting their exercise in. I will keep junk food to a minimum and healthy snacks on hand and try to make my home environment one with good habits...that's all I can do.

I don't blame my parents. I've always been big. I was a 10 pound baby when I was born. I've never been petite. There was a time in 7th grade when I finally started to lose the baby fat and slim down, but something changed and in 8th grade I started gaining weight. Once I was in 10th grade I was put on anti-depressants and the side effects were weight gain. It's been a battle since I was about 15.

We ate poorly when I was young but we were very poor and my parents did the best they could. If they could have afforded to put me in dance or sports like I wanted then I'm sure they would have. I think that they could have put me in softball because my brother did baseball and got scholarships but they never pushed or encouraged sports with me. They were too busy with my brother's sports.

I don't blame them. I think they did the best they could. I blame myself, and the medication I've depended on. But I'm tired of blaming and not doing anything about it. That's why I made the change I did this year.

Being healthy is hard. We all know that. And it's very easy to have the stresses in life take over.

If I were to blame my parents for not educating themselves with how society was changing, the foods available were changing, and the effect it would have on us kids when they were focused on paying the bills.... then I might as well blame the whole world.

No it wasn't my parents fault that I consider being a healthy weight so important that I have educated myself on it with a focus on staying active too. And that's why it's so important to turn around and educate them now so that they live a nice long life and get to be a part of my children's life.

Pointing fingers only hurts ourselves.

Also...

Those who know better, do better. I now am learning so much more about nutrition and food and having struggled with weight and moving towards conquering that, I will have a whole arsenal to help my kids.

Parents are people like everyone else and the fact is, MOST people are not health conscious. Parents sometimes are victims of their own upbringing, ignorance and societal gimmicks like anyone else. So the reality is, I know I am more educated than my parents are, so I can make better choices than they did. I can't blame them for not knowing. It is what it is, and as I said, if you know better, do better and stop the cycle.

My post is not to offend anyone, it is all In My Opinion.

I defnitely do. My Mother let us eat whatever we wanted to, as much as we wanted to and NEVER said anything. Fast food, pop tarts, sugar cereal, candy, ice cream, etc. ALL the time. I remember as a kids eating an entire box in one sitting of my favorite Smore Pop Tarts and my Mom would just buy me more. WTF? My brother and sister were not and still not overweight, I know I have BED and it started surfacing when I was about 8 years old, but seriously?

As an adult I look back now and I feel like my mom just didn't care about me.
It bothers me that I had no healthy guidence from someone who could do something about my health. My children are young, all under the age of 8 and they all know about eating healthy, good hygiene, and exercising. It is a no brainer. I NEVER want my children to experience one thing that I endured growing up.

Parents should be 100% accountable for their childrens health. PERIOD.

Whenever I see an obese or even an overweight child my heart breaks I feel so sorry for them knowing what they must go through as I did as a fat kid. I often give their parents dirty looks. How dare them. It's neglect no matter what.

[QUOTE=Sunshine73;3588372]This. Very much this.

My childhood was extremely dysfunctional. My mother suffered from untreated and under - diagnosed mental illnesses that prevented her from always making appropriate decisions for herself and her children.

Growing up we were poor - very poor at times. We relied on government commodities like potatoes, white rice, peanut butter and cheese supplemented with a spam type canned meat and chicken leg quarters (because they were cheapest). Fruits and vegetables were a rare treat because they were so expensive.

We didn't go to the park or ride bikes or anything like that as a family. My mother was so incredibly depressed that she spent most of her time in bed and, as a result, I spent most of my time caring for my younger siblings.

When she would have the extra money to purchase a "treat" she would often purchase chocolate, candy, brownies or cookies. This was her way of creating a celebration when something good happened or consoling me when something bad happened. Food was cheaper than purchasing gifts or taking us someplace else - like the movies, etc. And, it was easy. She could give us cookies and then go and lay down for a nap. No energy involved.

Looking back, by the time I was 8 or 9 I had serious food issues. Food was one of the few actual pleasures I had in my life. Because of that I started to see food and eating as the ONLY pleasure I could have in my life.

Eventually my mom realized I had a real problem and the doctors started making comments about my weight. Then the diet merry-go-round started. QUOTE]

Wow...this sounds like you wrote my childhood story except nothing was done about my weight until I took it into my own hands and educated myself at 13. I didn't want to be made fun of anymore, I wanted to be accepted by everyone. My mother has several mental illnesses and sufferred from manic depression and slept almost 24/7. Often in and out of the "mental health ward" during my childhood leaving us to foster homes or church families.

That's awesome! For me it was eat everything or you don't leave the table!

Yes, very much so. My mom was by FAR the worst, then my former-stepdad. My stepmom and dad get a reasonable mention but contributed far less to any of my problems.

When I left home I was 17 and weighed somewhere between 140-150 so definitely in the healthy BMI range. HOWEVER, my eating habits were atrocious!!! I was already set up for sneaking food, emotional eating, and many, many, many other bad habits. The problem was, was that I was extremely active in sports so my issues laid dormant for years until I was doing with college sports and then I ballooned overnight! I yo-yo'ed for years but my pregnancy was the worst but it all came back to these very, very bad habits that were instilled in me in childhood.

Probably the best example of the craziness my mom did to my sister (who is actually much heavier than myself) and myself was that every weekend she would feed us a cartoon of Ben and Jerry's and a ton of Cherry Coke so we'd get enough energy to clean the house FOR HER (and she was a SAHM with two kids in school full time who sat around all day watching TV and eating. obviously not all SAHM's are like that but SHE WAS!). She also is still to this day a yo-yo dieter who pretty much never, ever exercises. My step-dad just overate like crazy (and many times the only option for dinner would be KFC, even though I knew it was bad for me I didn't get a choice). I was constantly bribed using candy to do things and I definitely felt that they were buying my love would food. I guess I could go on and on with my crazy upbringing but, yeah, they seriously deserve some blame.

Like others have said, though, I'm the only one who can fix it now for me and my family. I'm working on changing my habits and not just going on some quick diet to lose but not be able to maintain it. I have an almost 2 year old and I want her to grow up healthy and not to struggle with these insane desire to eat an entire bag of chocolate chips behind everybody's backs.

All of this talk about our parents leads me to thinking about our children.

The thing is, when I was growing up, my parents assumed we wouldn't eat something unless it was coated with butter, salt, cheese or ketchup. We had canned vegetables.. ALOT. Really, the condiments were on EVERYTHING.
I moved 3000 miles to get away from those influences and almost immediately discovered fresh fruits and vegetables, and that they taste fine on their own.
( I still waaay overeate, and emotionally eat, but thats a different thread)

Let me be clear. I am not a parent. I have a nephew-5 and a niece-8 who live with me and I now do most of the cooking. What I am finding with my niece them is that their mother and I have made them try tons of things, without coating them. They don't get special meals, and when I cook, the only "accomodation" is to tone down the spices for them (not eliminate) They eat lots of different types of food, and they surprise me all the time with things they enjoy.

Even more surprising is what they self limit. We have stopped buying birthday cakes for them, because they just don't like them. We get cupcakes, and 90% of them go to friends, or the "adults" take care of them because these two aren't concerned. Put down a plate of ribs and salad, however, and it is ON! It is actually entertaining to watch them dig into that meal :-)

The reason for this long tale is this question. Are my niece and nephew the norm, or are we just lucky with these kids? I would love to think that they are the norm, cuz, that would be some great news for the next generation. If not, I hope that we are breaking our family cycle of sloppy nutrition. Any thoughts?

you know i use to blame my parents. but after thinking about it long and hard my parents did what they knew best. my parents fed me to the best of their ability. my parents never over fed me but some of the foods were not that healthy. and i don't think they realized they weren't healthy. heck im still learning about some foods i thought were healthy but they are in fact unhealthy.

but i do blame my doctor. at 9 i remember going to the doctor and seeing the numbers 145lbs on the scale. and the doctor never said anything. when i got older i asked my mom did the doctor ever say anything about my weight. she said no.

i feel as though maybe is the doctor has said something about my weight maybe my parents could have been more educated about healthy weight for kids and what foods to eat.

I definitely don't blame my parents for my weight. When I was growing up, we too were poor although they never let us know, I thought we were just normal. We always had healthy food, vegetables, fruit, little junk food (****, the only cereal we were allowed to eat were cheerios or other healthy cereals, and rarely had sugary cereal), and for dessert, we had fruit pops. I was always at a low weight even though I was chubbier but not overweight. I wasn't that athletic but I still participated in sports and was on the track team in high school and lifted weights. My driver's license says 135 from when i got it at 16 and I did start to gain a little weight after that, and somehow, I got to 163 when i started college. I think since i was older, I started eating less healthily like at school and on my breaks at work. I mentioned this on another thread, but a majority of my weight I gained was after I turned 20 (junior year of college) due to depression and thyroid cancer (unbeknownst to me), and from 20-24 I gained like 45 lbs.

So basically I gained because I got lazy, had cancer, and poor eating habits. I'm trying to break them but it's proven to be more difficult than I thought. But I have lost 15 lbs so it's a start. It just sucks because I got down to 191 and then gained and got back up to 202.

I think that a lot of parents who are overweight who are used to eating a lot think that their kids can eat a lot, they think that their kids can eat the same portions as them, which definitely isn't true (ironically, i can't eat a lot and don't like to eat a lot, but I eat the wrong things so i gain). I remember I went to a Chinese buffet (I got two plates: one with chinese food, the other fresh fruit) and there was this group of people who were all overweight and they had this kid who was with them and he was "normal" weight, and he ate so much that he threw up on the floor, in the restaurant. Poor kid ate too much and I bet his family kept encouraging him to eat more.

I think a lot of parents are lazy too. And oddly, some people are very anti-sports (I've seen a few of those Wife Swap shows where the fat moms hate sports and the second it's their rule week, they take away sports. WTF?) and so they don't want their kids to play them for whatever reason. My fiance's father thought that the high school football players at his high school were cocky, so he didn't let my fiance play football in high school because he thought he'd get "cocky". *rolls eyes* So because of his own insecurities, he didn't allow my fiance to play a sport he was not only good at, but wanted to play. And some people are bitter because they sucked at sports their kids shouldn't play. It's all very messed up.