I am so annoyed with myself. I know what needs to be done to get this weight off. Eat healthier, eat less, and exercise. So why in the heck can't I just freaking do it? Why do I let the stress of my life get me down? Why do I try to drown my stress in half a carton of ice cream? That never helps, so why do I even try it? Food isn't the solution to my troubles so why do I run to it when things get tough for me?
A combination of stress and Thanksgiving caused me to eat a lot more than I should have. As a result I gain 4.8 pounds this week. I am so sick and tired of this vicious cycle! Why can't I just be one of those people who eats solely for physical nourishment? My grandmother's 3rd husband was like that. He stayed slim and trim his whole life and swore that if he could get away with not having to eat he'd do it, saying he'd rather take a pill to get the nutrients if he could. He found sitting down to dinner a waste of time that could be spent doing something else. He was a very active guy. Why can't I be like him? No, instead I am the type who grabs a carton of ice cream and polishes it off when I get stressed when I really should grab my gym bag and go work out for an hour to rid myself of the stress.
I fully admit that I want to just scream and cry right now. I want to disappear from the forums and my blog and go bury my unhappiness in a bag of chips. But I can't. That was part of taking my struggle public. I knew that if I made a blog and posted on a forum that I would have other people out there who cared and wanted to see me beat past my plateaus and rough patches of this journey. They would offer kind words of support and cheer when I did get past whatever set me back. If it wasn't for the fact that I knew people would wonder what happened, I probably would go disappear, eat a ton, and gain back all the weight I have lost. But I can't. I can't give up this time. I have to keep going. i have to dig deep, find the strength inside myself somewhere to get past this, and get that dang scale moving in the right direction again.