i noticed on another thread, and this is the case with many threads, the emphasis is on getting x pounds off. of course so many of us want/need that, but it sounds like many of us are thinking about it in the wrong way. Renee Stephens in Inside Out Weightloss, talks about the 2 types of motivation.

away- we'll do anything to get away from those bad feelings, feeling fat, can't fit in our clothes so on.

forward/toward motivation- a positive goal. we want to run 1 mile, or whatever our goal is. it needs to be positive and measurable.

when we think, 'don't eat the cake!' our subconscious is like a 2 year old. we hear 'cake' it's just like when we tell the kids not to run, they just hear run. this is why teachers tell the kids to use walking feet. in that same way, we have to use positive thoughts too. we tell ourselves what to do, what we can have, what we will do, how much fun we will have.

also, putting so much emphasis on losing x amount in 1, 3, 6 months is just not realistic. we need to follow our plan, as rockinrobin always says. that's what we must do. if we follow our plan, the pounds have no choice. eventually, they have to come off. as long as we follow our plan no matter what, and it's the best plan for us. that includes lots of healthy veggies and exercise. then when it isn't working, we make changes to make it work again.

any thoughts on this?

Yes, agreed.

We cannot tell our bodies that the scale must be 5,10,15# less by X day. Well, we can, but it might not listen even if we do anything right. So why set up for failure?

We CAN say, "I will stick to this plan for X amount of time and re-evaluate" if I am unsatisfied with the result. Tangible goals equal tangible results.

Absolutely. I have had to do some re-evaluating and readjusting myself. I think that we get so caught up in an arbitrary number on a scale, that it becomes our focus, when really, in my opinion health should be our focus. If we weigh x pounds and are healthy then that number should not really matter.

Totally with you on this. I think that's a major part of my success so far. I'm not getting away from how I was - I'm going toward something. And I never put deadlines on my weight loss. The closest thing I do is think like, "Well, it might be nice if I could lose 10 lbs in the next two months. Let's vary my exercise and see what that does. If not, then whatever."

And I never feel pressured or anything by doing that. Because it's a casual, 'let's see where it goes' thing. I do the same with my eating. I want to eat healthy, but I don't give myself rules. I can eat whatever, just in the right portions at the right time. But I prefer healthier food because of how it makes me feel.

I have an overall goal - 1 year from the day I started, I want to be a healthy weight. Maybe even at my goal. It's not set in stone, so whatever. But I DO want to still be eating healthy and exercising at that date, and that's something I can totally control, unlike the number of pounds I lose.

I've found that I can't tie myself in knots trying to lose weight. I'll quit - I don't like being told what to do. But if I work with myself, do things I like and that are good for me, it works wonders.

I am in total agreement. I have always in the past looked at weight loss as seeing the numbers on the scale go down, and I would do all sorts of screw-ball ideas to make it happen. And if it wasn't happening fast enough or restricted myself in odd ways enough, I'd just feed into those thoughts of "Oh, I guess I'm just destined to be fat", and give up. I NEED TO LOSE THIS WEIGHT, never I NEED TO NOURISH MY BODY PROPERLY AND BE ACTIVE SO IT RUNS AT ITS BEST. This time, I have completely changed my focus. Yes, I need to lose a lot of weight, but that's happening anyway while focusing on my nutrition and staying active. It's why I've switched to weighing monthly - a number on the scale is NOT what I'm doing this for, and I have a lot of time in between weigh-ins to reflect on that and practice the behaviors that WILL lead to a healthy weight and a healthy body.

i needed this today. i’ve been feeling like a failure for not getting x amount of pounds off by a certain date. trying to get away from that thinking, but it’s difficult. i’ve committed to staying on plan for ONE WEEK. i’d like to incorporate some of that positive thinking. what i will eat, what i will do, etc.

how do i do that? is it a motivational tool, or is it a rule? or what? i’m confused. i get the forward motivation, but i don’t understand the ‘away’ from motivation

Perhaps it's not that "I can't have cake". but, "I choose not to". Or, it's not that I'm saying no to the cake, but YES, to me.

Or a taken a step further, don't even use the word cake, but, "I choose to have an apple". "I choose to eat healthy foods".

The "away" from motivation that Renee Stephens talks about in her podcast is something you are trying to move away from. The example she gives is let's say you have a pair of jeans that are just a bit too snug. You know if you lose 5 lbs, they will fit comfortably again. So you work to lose those five lbs. Not fitting into your jeans is something you worked to move away from. BUT she goes on to say, you then need something that you are working towards... so that you continue working towards your weight loss goals. Otherwise, you just stop at the 5lbs and wear your jeans.

I think of things like health: I am trying to move away from being unhealthy. Just losing 10% of your weight is enough to improve your health. And I am trying to move away from bad habits of over eating junk food.

I agree. I make healthier choices, I don't force myself to, if that makes sense. I find that if I say I "can't" have something, I want it more. Instead, I actually have a conversation with myself. "Do I really want this and all the fat, calories and feelings that go along with eating it? Am I willing to deal with the consequences?" Most of the time, the answer is no. No I do not want it. If I decide that yes, I do, I eat it, enjoy it and move on. (making the allowance in calories is crucial for me though, if I don't have the room for it, that makes it more likely that I'll say no)

For a very long time I focused only on the scales, but the healthier I get, I realize I'm actually making more NSVs than pounds lost.

Take my last latest weigh in: I weighed in 3lbs heavier than I did the last time I weighed. I was a *tiny* bit upset, but I was more impressed with the fact that yesterday I did 70 minutes on the elliptical at a high intensity. I couldn't do 30 minutes, let alone at a high intensity, just 6 short months ago. The healthier I get, NOT the lighter I get, the better I feel about myself. It's having less and less to do with how much I weigh, and more and more to do with how confident I feel in my body.

I think I definitely needed this. I have been off track for a long time, and am just now hopping back on the diet wagon. Last time around I focused so much on what I could not have and could not do, and I think that is what lead to my almost 6 month long binge. I hadn't had the things I wanted in so long, that once I let myself eat them again I just lost control. This time around I am going to do things differently. I am going to refocus and work towards set goals. I want to be a healthier person!