I know the title might sound rude to many of you but i am starting to convince myself that this is the truth.

Losing weight is the biggest challenge in my life and i am not sure how you guys do it. I read it many times here: Watch what you eat and exercise.

I can watch what i eat until 6 pm every day, but after being exhausted with my work and the kids i feel that i need to reward myself with food. It's the only thing that could make me feel satisfied, ofcourse for few minutes then i start disguising myself and just lay down on the couch so tired.

I just noticed that everytime my daughter tells me to go to the club or play with her i tell her i can't i am so tired. So selfish, i know but i can't help it. Everytime i go out i just wear almost the same outfit and wear my sunglasses hoping that nobody will recognize me and see how i became.

I am not sure why i am writing all this to people i never met or knew before, but i somehow feel may be you have been there before.

You need new rewards and new habits. I can personally attest that my photos are not photoshopped - they're real.

We all get tired. We all have rough days. But you can make changes in your habits so that those things no longer involve food-based rewards. I guarantee you that food is not the only thing that can make you feel satisfied. I, for one, have replaced that "fix" with exercise. Now food does pretty much nothing for me, but exercise gives me a high like food used to.

It's just changing habits. And you CAN do it.

editing photos to look thin is really hard. It would probably take less time to lose the weight than to learn how to do that

kotty - While I sympathize with your feelings of frustration, slow results, etc......you need to completely overhaul your *thinking* if you are going to be successful with weight loss and happy about it

Your plan isnt working. I dont know why or what the details are of your plan, but you dont seem satisfied on quality or amount of food you are eating.

Eating as a reward after 6pm WILL keep you entrenched in hardcore struggle. Now, you may be able to lose more weight that way, but you will be unhappy and you will be mentally tired from the battle.

Food can be a reward. I do rarely use it that way. But it can NOT be your main or only reward system. find a new system of rewards.

And most importantly - I urge you not to think of this as a competition or as a single win/lose plan you have to stick to. After losing 100+lbs, my only real truth is that I dont have a single final answer. I have tried *everything*, and a couple things work currently. When they stop working, Ill adapt to a new way.

Maybe for some it is as easy as "working out and exercising". Not for me. And that it took a million tries and a million different adaptations, experiments, new types of eating, new workout regimes, emotional work, therapeutic discussion, stress reduction, healers, vitamins, and god knows what else to get me to this moment in this day where I am 129lbs!

However - when strangers ask how I did it....I say diet and exercise...because no one really wants to hear that there isnt a simple answer and its become my life's work to be healthy.

First of all, I don't know how to use photoshop. That was rude.

You need to find ways to reward yourself without using food. Exercise gives you more energy and makes you sleep better. You need to set a good example for your children and being too tired to do things with them and spending the time after 6 pm isn't doing it.

Losing weight isn't easy for anyone but once you set your mind to it and make it your priority, you can do it. Do you not think those people on the Biggest Loser have felt helpless to lose weight? They are thrust into exercise and find they can do things the never thought they could do. They learn to make choices and the weight comes off because they have made it a priority and are willing to do whatever is required of them to reach their goal.

I understand where you're coming from somewhat since I was around the same weight you are or higher when I was working and had a young child.

I worked full time at a job where I walked a lot during the day and generally did some sort of physical work on most days. Once I was done with my shift, I would come home tired and depending on the day, emotionally drained too. I would usually have enough time to find out from my husband the last time my son had eaten, napped and had a diaper change, and then my husband would walk out the door for work, leaving me alone and exhausted with a young child (less than 2 years old). I was so tired and had no energy that I would just start shoveling food in myself until I went to bed at night.

Usually, my husband would come home from work at 11pm with all kinds of crappy foods like pizza, cheesy italian beef, fried something or other, and some sort of calorie laden beverage. I would eat ridiculous amounts of this stuff and then try to sleep so I could get up at 6 for work the next day to start the cycle all over again. I thought that I would never lose weight, because I was always hungry and always exhausted. I didn't know what to do.

One day I happened upon a different weight loss website. I started to just cut out pop and eat somewhat smaller portions and a little less candy every day, and i lost a little bit of weight. I added in short walks around the neighborhood (at a toddler's pace and distance) and started to feel a little less tired. Then I started really exercising and the difference in energy was just amazing. I felt awesome!!!

With putting so much effort into exercising, my eating changed even more (though I still treated myself, i wouldn't eat a whole bag of oreos or candy anymore) and it really helped. Unfortunately, I got pregnant and morning sickness and hormonal tiredness killed exercise for me, so I gained weight again, and went back to old habits after the baby was born.

Now I'm finally at this again, and since I've had a few bad days, I can tell you that all the crap that I have been eating is making me feel awful! I am EXHAUSTED lately, more tired than I have been even after days when I've run for 45 minutes and done 30 minute shred and watched my two young sons all day. I promise you that what you eat really does have an effect on how you feel.

Maybe start with baby steps, like less treats and more exercise, even if it's only 10 minutes at first. Your daughter may be just as happy with a short walk as she would be playing with you or going to the club because you're doing something together.

You can do this, though it's not easy. If it was easy, there wouldn't be an obesity epidemic! But you do need to change your mindset a little, because if you think it's impossible for you to lose weight, it will be. I hope you get some suggestions that will help you out so that you can be successful on this journey.

It would require a special kind od crazy to put that much effort into faking before and after shots for a bunch of strangers. Especially since this is a public forum where real life people could stumble upon it and bust you at any time. I know it is frustrating not to lose, but it won't help you at all to indulge paranoid thoughts like that.

Yup. They're all photoshopped. Nothing to see here. Move along.

Yep, I'm busted. I've been photoshopping [well no, I haven't...don't know the program]

You have to change your mindset. You have to want this more than you have ever wanted anything else. You have to see this isn't about denial or restriction, it is about gaining your life back and being healthy and happy.

You are in a routine that needs to change. Food cannot be an automatic thing that you go to at the end of each day. You have to find other ways of dealing with stress.

The good news is you have the power to change your life. It is within you and totally under your control. You have to build positive and healthy routines that will replace the unhealthy and destructive ones.

I won't say good luck. Luck doesn't have anything to do with it. It is whether you will do it or not. We are here to help you, so keep posting and asking questions. You will find what works for you and you will be successful.

Keep telling yourself that you will do it and it will happen.

Yes, YOU CAN HELP IT ... and you can do anything you make your mind up to do if you really want to. You just have to do it! You can eat better. You can make better choices. You can play with your DD. You can exercise. You can go for a walk (after dark, if needs be). You can choose a healthy, small snack each evening (like cheese & a piece of fruit). Yes, you can even lose weight ...

Oh -- and YES, YOU CAN start to live again ...

Hello there,

You got some really wonderful advice here. I just wanted to suggest a tiny little thing. How about planning your treats? Sometimes, it is nice to know that you have something very yummy waiting for you at the end of the day. I know I get like that sometimes. Eventually, you might wanna try to kick that habit, but for now, how about having a planned treat? I love the Healthy Choice chocolate ice cream bars at Costco for 100 calories. I know that I can have one and if I really want and my calories are still ok, I'll have two.

I know this is about much more than that, but sometimes, a little step like that works. I also know that if I leave my kitchen area, then I can do something else....like organize my closet or paint my nails or whatever it may be. I also chew gum like crazy if I'm having a maddening obsession with food. Yeah, sometimes I give in and inhale all the food in the house but every time I do, I find that I can resolve to not do it for a bit longer and then the weight starts to come off again. It's a slow process but rather than just focusing on the very end goal, try to set little goals along the way....they don't have to be weight related. They can be a walk. Avoiding a soda and having water. Using whole wheat instead of white....you get the idea.

You've already lost a good deal of weight so I think you know what you're doing.

Finally, regarding your comment....I can see how some took offense to it, but I sort of took it like an exasperated comment of frustration. I don't think you really think that people here are phony or you wouldn't be seeking the help.

Hope you find your way. Until I took control of my eating, I wasn't living...just existing. I think lots of us here have plenty of valid reasons why we gained weight but that doesn't change the fact that losing it is so much better than dwelling on the negative and continuing with the vicious cycle.

Definitely lost it for real.

It's hard to lose weight, but it's not that hard, as many of us are proof of. Start small and don't try to sacrifice everything you like all at once. For some, a simple "No desserts during the week" or "No snacks between meals" or "No fried food" is enough to jumpstart loss. Watching the number on the scale go down is pretty darn satisfying and from there it becomes easier to add in things like exercise (doesn't have to be marathon sprints or deadlifting 200 lbs - even going for walks 5 days a week is much better than nothing!) and vegetables.

Food is good, but it's not good enough to sacrifice your quality time with your kids and happiness in life.

Oh, if you only knew how rudimentary my computer skills are. (Which is actually really funny, considering my job is with the largest IT consulting firm in the world.) Yeah, I actually lost the weight. In fact, I've done it twice, the first time over a decade ago. This time I'm aiming to keep it off.

Fear really helped. And avoidance of pain. I did not like one bit what the doctor was telling me about my chances of becoming diabetic. I did not want to be on yet another medication, or pricking my finger & testing droplets of my blood. Not if it could be prevented through my making a big change.

You have to want this more than you want to stay in your current comfortable routine. You have to be willing to face great discomfort. Because once you get through that discomfort, the rewards on the other side are simply awesome.

Have you ever seen a movie in which a drug addict squirms & sweats through withdrawal? It's gonna be like that sometimes, if food has been like your opiate to get you through the night or to relax after a hard day.

Sometimes the only way to get through it is to just get through it, whatever way you can.

I know what it feels like to feel weight loss is impossible. I've been obese since age 5 and morbidly obese at least since puberty (with a short brush with an almost normal weight in highschool courtesy of prescription amphetemine diet pills).

Even now, I can't believe that I've been on a six-year downward trend with not a single relapse. That is with no gains of more than 10 lbs (I still gain eight pounds every month with TOM).

On one hand I'm impressed as **** that I've lost 85 lbs and that I haven't had a significant gain, and on the other hand, six years to lose 85 lbs is pretty unimpressive when you judge it by normal standards. It's barely a quarter pound per week (on average).

The first 20 I wasn't trying for (and I had never lost weight accidentally before), and was probably a side effect of being treated for sleep apnea. The pulmonologist told me that I'd likely lose some weight without trying (and quite frankly, I thought he was nuts). Losing the 20 made me think I could lose more, but for two years I tried with little lasting success (I lost and gained the same ten pounds for two years). So only the last three years were weight loss under my own steam (courtesy of deciding I needed to restrict carbs in order to lose weight).

Even the 65 lbs in 3 years, is still less than a half pound a week.

But if you look at each of those 3 years, my loss rate has been faster each year (but still far below the rate at which I used to give up in the past because the slow weight loss was proof that I'd never be able to make it).

I've rejoined TOPS (taking off pounds sensibly) because I find more motivation with the weekly weigh-ins and the contests and such. I lose more steadily when I'm in a group, even though I don't always admit it. I tend to quit the groups when I think I can do it on my own - and then my motivation fizzles, because there's no deadlines or pressure ot meet them (because TOPS also has competitions between groups, if I don't lose weight I'm in some degree letting my team down).

One of the biggest differences "this time" (meaning the last six years) is that I decided that no matter what I wouldn't let myself be ok with gaining weight. My first job wasn't losing, it was not gaining. When I saw "not gains" as something to celebrate, it became easier not to give up when losses weren't impressive or existent. Even when I gained, the first job was still not gaining more. I told myself over and over "I may not always be able to lose weight, but I can keep from gaining."

I still don't look at my goal weight - it's still weigh too far away (even the intermediary goal weight of 250 lbs that I've given myself).

If global change doesn't seem doable, find a change you are confident in your ability to make. When I started, I decided that I wouldn't make any change that I could see myself doing forever, even if it didn't result in weight loss. Even during the two years when it didn't result in weight loss, it did result in health improvements. Because my goal wasn't pinned on weight loss, lack of weight loss didn't unmotivate me, like it would have in the past.

I still usually see weight loss as nearly impossible. I'm endlessly astonished that I've come this far (I've never lost more than 70 lbs before), and don't sincerely believe that I can acheive a healthy weight. Even looking 10 lbs ahead is daunting. I'm not sure that I can lose 150 lbs or even 10, but I am confident in my ability to maintain my 85 lb loss, and to lose "just one more."

I only ever have to lose "just one more." Weight loss is the fabled "journey of a thousand miles," beginning with a single step.

I think I never lost weight permanently in the past because I always focused on the miles left to go, and not on the steps.

I know what you mean about the photoshopping because I always wonder about that with any advertised product. In fact, I don't wonder...I'm convinced they're either photoshopped or they're pictures of two different people.

But here? No. We're all about as real as we can get. Many women have posted pictures of monthly and/or 10 pound progress photos. Those are amazing! And it's obvious they're all the same person! And what a transformation!

Instead of thinking we're all photoshopped, my goodness, use those pictures as motivations! Don't just dismiss them as fake! Use them to convince yourself that what we have you can have too! There is no reason you can't be just as successful as each and every member on this board! And the beauty of it is that we're all in different places along this same road. Some of us are long time maintainers, some of us are brand new at it, some of us are brand new for the tenth time, some of us are nearly to goal. We all have advice and tried and true methods.

I know you're tired. I know it feels like you can't. But if you can get some exercise under your belt, release some feel-good endorphins, eventually you will not be so tired. I was exhausted for a good three months. Lowering my calories wiped me out. Taking a vitamin helped tremendously as did adding exercise.