Hello fellow members of SBD,
Taking a step back and looking at all of the factors in my life that cause me to gain weight, I have come up with a few. I'm sure most of you can relate to all, if not some of these.
-Telling myself I HAVE to start my diet at the beginning of a week so I say,
well I am starting this Sunday, so today is Saturday, let's pig out... and
actually never start Sunday. "I'm starting my diet tomorrow" has been an issue for me, and my tomorrow needs to get here today.
-I'm too busy to exercise. That's just myself making an excuse so I can be lazy and do counterproductive things... oh like... EAT. I find that when I finally get in the spirit to consistently exercise, I need to find a buddy, not for my support, nut to give support. I am a people pleaser, I love to make people happy and be the life of a party. If it makes any sense, I feel the necessary motivation to stay on track with workouts when my partner is trying to get in shape and says, "Oh, I can't meet you at the gym today because *blah blah blah*" it makes me want to yell at them and tell them they are not going to be happy if they fall into their vicious circle of misery again. But, yet, I can't tell myself that. If I am working out with someone else (i.e. my boyfriend or brother) I make it into a game and almost like a boot camp if you will. It's fun! But the down part is I cannot solely put myself in that type of mindset, I don't know why. Maybe it's because I would rather see others happy before me?
-I will feel like I am so hideous in anything that I wear to the point where I
miss class upon class and just stay in bed or just lounge around. I have a low GPA right now, and this is NOT me. It seems that my weight is getting in the way of my life.
-My "drawer of disappointment" (as so called by my brother) has turned into my dresser and 1/4 of my closet disappointment. I have size 8's and 6's (and smaller) that I couldn't dream of fitting into right now.
-I do not want to lose weight in my boobs. Yes, that's the only part of my body I <3. They are a nice C and I love that. When I was younger I lost weight and they stayed the same size; basically my whole life since I got them, but I am worried I will lose them.
-The boyfriend/friend & family issue. "You do not need to change anything, you are beautiful the way you are..." True. Everyone has their own beauty, that's developed by personality, however, my boyfriend, for example, consistently tells me that I am beautiful and that I don't need to loose weight, when I KNOW I do.
But having heard that message over and over again, one thinks it's true. Oh hey,I don't need to change, then you go off and eat cupcakes with friends and etc and it all adds up. In the moment it doesn't matter because these people love you and you're making them happy. That's what you WANT to do. So yes, you are happy, in the moment. But when those pictures from that party are posted on Facebook, you want to hide forever. Never eat again. When you're alone, you don't eat, you just plot ways to loose weight... and then you you do well for a few days and the turmoil begins again. There you are, unhealthier and secretly unhappier by the minuet. But wait, you are having a great time; on the outside.
I apologize for how long this is. I feel that you people are the only ones who do not take light of the situation that I am in. Just as a recap, I am Jennie. I go to Kent State where I have intentions of double majoring in Nursing and Nutrition for Dietetics. I live with my wonderful loving boyfriend and have a great extended group of friends and family. I love each one of them to death, and I want to love me too. I am 5'4.5'' (I thought I was 5'4'') and I weigh an ungodly 205 pounds. I was 125 pounds when i was 15/16 and I would like to get there or lower. I have small bone frame so it's safe for me to go to even 110 pounds.
I would like to lose as much weight as I can (anticipating 40 pounds or higher) before my birthday (December 11th when I turn 21) and also Christmas. I told my boyfriend to get me gift cards to my favorite clothing stores as Christmas presents for motivation.
Underneath it all, I have an hourglass shape. People envy that. But I need the motivation and support badly. I need detailed plans from people who have lost the weight and I need hugs from those who are on the journey with me.
Thank you do much for you time.
God Bless and good luck everyone with weight loss and maintenance.
-Jennie