Yesterday was a tough day. Actually the past couple months have been tough mentally. Food has been a big pre-occupation and my stupid inner voice has been chanting "I don't care" way too often. Am I maintaining? Yes but that is besides the point. This is a mind game and my mind has been losing the battle. I will win the war but it's been way more difficult then when I was losing. I'm a couple months away from a year of maintaining BUT lately it has been getting harder. I expect hard but all consuming munchie thoughts? It has to stop and more importantly taking little samples when the "I don't care" voice reigns over my will has to stop.
When I started my journey I made a deal with myself - I wouldn't start if I didn't promise to log the rest of my life. I've kept that deal. A marshmallow here, a cherry there. Here an almond, there a pretzel, and everywhere an M&M. They are all logged.
So yesterday the voice was trumping me left and right. I was depressed about money (where the heck does it all go???). And seriously we have no money problems compared to the majority in this economy so I really had no reason to be depressed. But regardless I was.
DH came home and saw me staring at Quicken and I wasn't in my exercise clothes. We talked money then he asked why I wasn't exercising. BTW, he is my true conscience. I said I didn't want to. I was over my calories for where I want to be at that point in the day. So he goes to work on my ailing Jeep and I'm still sitting at the computer.
I eventually close the laptop and make my way to the elliptical. I start my 30 minute workout, morosely blobbing my way. Not a lot of effort was put forth. I lament that my calories were going to be 350 over the mark. At minute 9, DH walks by and he congratulates me for getting on with it. I respond by saying I really don't want to do it. At minute 15, something clicks. I swear I heard the pity machine turn off. I pushed my effort up and suddenly I was having fun. At minute 22 I think about my calories and my choices. If I did this and that, I could make my target. Now I'm pushing on the elliptical, working up a sweat. When I was done, my quads were noodles and I'm nearly euphoric. I felt like something was finally right in my thinking.
I tell DH that I'm having 1/2 a grilled cheese sandwich and fruit for dinner and he's on his own, that he'd promised that if I overate during the day, that I could do what I did while he was on swing shift. No problem he says. I am so blessed to have the most supportive cheerleader. During dinner I show him my iPhone and the calorie log - I said, look at the breakfast entries. He read them aloud. It was really nauseating what I munched on at work.
To make my long story even longer - I made my calorie limit yesterday. And I didn't wake up this morning ravenous. Just a new day with a fresh set of calories to work with. It's 10:30 in the morning and I haven't munched on anything extra. Heck I forgot to finish my breakfast (I'd put it in the fridge when I went to the hair appointment).
I truly know that I would have been over the calorie limit yesterday if I hadn't exercised. I truly feel that I would be letting that "I don't care" devil take over my thoughts again today if I hadn't pushed myself to exercise when I didn't want to.
There are so many thoughts on what makes a successful maintainer. And each is correct for different maintainers. For me, exercise is what did, is, and will make me success on my journey. It is the cog that makes the rest fall into place.
Marie