I feel like I have been trying to lose weight my entire adult life, I have yo-yo-ed a lot on lots of different plans.

I am on a good path right now, I have lost about 25 pounds through a medical weight loss program which is :
- a vitamin shot
- nutrition & exercise support (someone to ask questions and guide me)
- nutrition & exercise accountability (huge for me)
- appetite suppressant pills, which i take sometimes but not always


My current plan isn't really important to my question I suppose but wanted to share it as a background. I am paying for this service but I definitely feel like I am developing healthier habits not "on a diet".

I have stalled somewhat in the last few weeks and I am warring between the following attitudes:

"I need a good kick in the *** and need to stay STRICT STRICT to see my maximum results"

or

"I am making lasting changes, progress is progress, it's not as important that I lose the MOST weight possible but that I maintain a healthy attitude. And mistakes are part of a sustainable weight"

What do you find more effective for you? What provides you with better results both emotionally and on the scale?

I am really afraid of trying to push myself to be perfect and destroying the positivity I'm finally feeling towards myself! But I also don't want to cheat myself out of better results since I want to believe I'm capable of them .... If that makes any sense!!

Stick with my healthy habits, I don't have to be perfect, but I have to be consistent.

Tough love with myself.

Which I consider a combination of the attitude that you've described in yourself as being like two separate voices. For me, they're not two different voices. They're working as a pair. Sometimes I need to hear the plain unvarnished truth & sometimes I need to be comforted more.

This attitude takes no excuses. It says things like: "Quit your complaining. You're not disabled & you aren't in bed throwing up. You're going to the gym, to do what you can." And: "Stop feeling self-pity about what you can't eat. There's a lot you actually can eat. And it's much better than that junk that you're whining after like a brat."

And it also says things like: "You are not going to beat yourself up all day today over a weigh-in that is .4 pounds over last week. Your personal self-worth did not plummet to zero just because you're retaining fluid. You will survive having eaten some breading or enjoying another portion of rice. Stop being a drama queen & believing you are going to reinflate back to your previous 100 pounds lost overnight just because you tasted a bit of something you don't usually get."

But it also says things like: "Here's a hug. You need it. I know you're going through bad times but you are doing the best you can, and that's all you can do. You don't need to be superwoman. You are human. You have limits. You do the best you can with what you've been given. You work with the body you have. You don't need to be America's Next Top Model & forever 18 years old with the body to match to have a fulfilling life. You don't need to be a legendary beauty, just clean & acceptable & healthy. Take it easy on yourself. You don't need to over-achieve with your body. It's okay to be average. It's okay to just be content with the grace of everyday things."

I'm posting that on my wall! Love!

I do understand about not knowing when you are being reasonable and when you are being indulgent. This is how I think about it:

Loosening up is ok when it is planned and it comes from a desire to moderate. Loosening up is a the beginning of a slippery slope when it is spontaneous and is in response to a temptation.

So it's ok to say "My birthday is in a month. On my birthday, I am going to go out to my favorite Mexican place and have a margarita and cheese enchiladas. This will push my average daily calories for the month up by 100, but I'll eat on the lower end of my range until then to compensate".

It's not ok to say "I am eating lunch with my friends. I planned to eat a bowl of chicken noodle soup, which has 360 calories. But man, a cheeseburger looks good. I really want a cheeseburger. Maybe I am just being too hard on myself. This is a lifestyle change, not a diet. Damn it, I am getting the cheeseburger. I didn't gain it all in one day."

I had a friend who gave up chocolate. I asked her how long she was going to give it up. She said "As long as I can stand it". I pointed out that if she did that, when she finally gave in and ate some, it would be a reward for weakness. Better to say "No chocolate until Christmas, and then I will have [whatever]", because then you are rewarding success, and enjoying staying on plan, not getting a guilty thrill out of going off plan.

I totally get what you are saying. Sometimes I feel like poking along and doing what I can to be happy is most important and then there are days when I think "if I just went balls to the wall for 6 weeks, I would see such a big difference".

But I don't really want to go balls to the wall. Trying to be perfect is too much pressure for me... and in the end, I want this to be easy. So I am working on changing the way I think.

Saturday, I was at the grocery store and I saw a jar of Tostitos Spinach Dip. I used to buy crap like that with chips/fritos on the weekend to "treat" myself. But really... why was that a "treat". It doesn't taste all that good (not like Spinach Dip at resturants) and it would just give me heartburn. How is heartburn a "treat".

So, I am trying to change what I think of as a "treat". Instead, I "treated" myself with fresh fruit. I bought strawberries and a cantalope. I have a recipe for grilling fruit that I think I may try this week - grilled peaches, grilled pineapples... Small glass of cold white wine...

THAT is a "treat". Not heartburn in a jar.

And by not having "Fat Sunday's" anymore where I "treat" myself to jars of hearburn and bags of indegestion (aka. cheesy poofs) I know that my weight will go down... And it is!

Honestly, i have to give myself little pep talks. i plan everything out.

I'm trying to find my preferred state of mind. Trying to get back to the place I was 7yrs ago when I lost my weight before. I wish I could channel that back.

I agree with what Shmead said And how she explained it was exactly how I need to think.

When I am on plan, I follow 3 simple rules:

1) Eat only at meals and nothing in between (no snacks).

2) Eat only foods that I can eat one serving of & not feel compelled to inhale seconds/thirds/fourths of.

3) Eat foods that make me feel healthy and energized, not foods that make me want to lie on the sofa and take a nap.

My plan makes perfect sense to me and works when I work it. Whenever, I get the notion that I "should" eat certain foods because "normal" people do, I end up having a binge and feeling terrible.

My current plan is what keeps my eating moderate and sane. For me, the idea of eating crazymaking foods moderately doesn't work.