Tuende:
Haha, okay, Greensleeves is totally a Christmas song in my mind. Who plays Greensleeves in June??
Ugh. Hope the BBQ went better than you were anticipating! I can definitely imagine how the nickname "skinny" would sound condescending from the right person and with the right inflection. I totally understand what you're saying about feeling like you don't want anyone to even notice your body since you spent so long hoping they wouldn't... but at least your family are noticing the wonderful changes you've made... even if the comments are a bit overkill. I bet you look fantastic!
Fashin:
Gotta have those off-plan days, hope you enjoyed it!
Claire:
Ridiculously healthy, geez, you should see what my boyfriend eats, it's insane. Does your boyfriend go a little overkill with the support?
sotypical:
I'm hoping that it's just water weight... TOM is coming up in mere days, and my muscles are ALWAYS sore these days. As soon as something mends and feels okay again, I'm back at the gym having my girlfriend (slash personal trainer) rip my muscles to shreds again!
I really can't wait to start seeing a difference, and while he would NEVER admit it,
I feel like my boyfriend's cheerful support is masquerading as a strong desire to see me get more fit, and less flubby. That may just be my own self-loathing kicking in tho. He checked out a girl in a tight skirt in a semi-obvious way when we were driving yesterday, and I actually started crying. He may think I'm insane now.
That's a lot of father's day lunches/bbqs there, lady. Hopefully you got in that nice walk around the lake to counteract it, but even if you didn't.. everyone needs treats from time to time on special occasions.
rockstar:
Thanks for the kind words m'dear.
And I'm glad people are liking the combo thread!
As for me...
Well, Marc finally called. Who is Marc, you ask? Marc is the owner of the Toyota Corolla whose bumper I put a big fat dimple in. Thankfully, he was REALLY nice, told me to calm down, and stop apologizing, that it was no big deal... and thanked me for being honest enough to leave a note. He said he went out with some friends after getting my note, and one of them was talking about how someone dented in his door once, and left a note... and all it said was, "Sorry about this." with no number or anything. Eesh!
So, he's gonna get a quote or two, and I'll pay to have it fixed, no harm, no foul. Sucks, because I'm a student and already majorly in debt... I could've desperately used that money for MANY other things, including... y'know, groceries, but. **** happens, life goes on I guess.
I've been rocking a bit too much of the self loathing these days, and as I mentioned above to sotypical, I may have scared my boyfriend with my irrational overreactions this weekend. Lately I feel like the weight I've gained back, and the way I feel about myself is turning me into a controlling girlfriend. I worry all the time about how attracted he is to me, and how he feels about me (despite him telling me that he loves me, and asking WHY he would have moved CONTINENTS and come from Ireland to Canada just to cheat on me-- fair point.). He tells me he's attracted to me and all, but... I know that he'd be happy with me losing the extra weight and getting very fit.. what guy wouldn't? The problem lies in the fact that I'm not looking at things logically.
Would I be happy if he got super buff? Sure. Would I be upset if he didn't? Course not. But in my mind, I think that he's not happy with how I am now, and really WANTS me to get fit and thin.
Anyhow, the real issue arises in that... because I feel so bad about myself, and worry so much about his level of interest, I stress about other women. I shouldn't. But I can't help but feel horrible awful stupid jealousy over the fact that he admitted that two of the girls on his team at work are "attractive." I can't help but feel jealous when I see him check out a girl in a tight skirt. I can't help but feel worried and uneasy when all the "lads" on his all-irish soccer team go out and loudly proclaim "No WAGS tonight!" and make (half) jokes about picking up cougars. (WAGS= Wives and girlfriends).
I don't want to be THAT girl. The one who doesn't want her boyfriend to go out with his friends, or gets her knickers in a knot if he TALKS to another woman... and I feel like the foundation for all of my irrational jealousy is simply feeling bad about myself. If I felt attractive, and felt like my boyfriend knew he had a hot girlfriend back home, I don't think (I hope that I wouldn't) have the same insecurities.
I just... so desperately want to NOT be upset by any of this stuff! Last night we went to the movies, and we hadn't eaten dinner. He got a poutine (for all you non-Canadians, that's french fries smothered in cheese and gravy). I considered getting popcorn, but from my intense calorie-counting days, I know that even a small buttered popcorn is 600-700 calories, and I wouldn't have the restraint to stop. But I wanted a treat, so I got a KitKat since it's 1/3 of the calories. He was at another counter, and I chucked the KitKat in my purse. Halfway through the movie I pulled out the chocolate, and offered him some of it, and he turned it down... and I sat there eating it feeling JUDGED. I think I was judging myself, really, but... having him know that I'm working on losing weight makes me think that every time I eat something unhealthy results in him silently evaluating my choices. ****, he might not be doing that at all, but... I feel like I have diet police now. =/
In other news, I was 150.4 this morning. Aaaawesome. Fairness, I wasn't hydrated, my back muscles are screaming in pain, and my TOM is coming up... so I'm hoping it's water retention.
Something that really grates on my nerves is that... when I don't work out, and control my weight loss with diet alone, I lose weight fairly quickly. However, when I work out, the scale never seems to want to budge. At least nowhere near as quickly when it's just eating-focused... it makes me give up on working out way more quickly than I should, because I'm too obsessed with seeing the scale move, you know?
My GOD, this is a long post. SORRY!