I so agree with the people here who said that this type of thing is not really directly related to being overweight. Being overweight, of course, does not make it any better and just exacerbates it.....but the main issue is our personality type.....non-assertive, people-pleaser, non-confrontational, easily guilt-ridden, "yes" person, etc. And this won't go away when you lose weight, believe me. Sure, it could help....but it will still be there.
I have made it a general rule not to purchase ANYTHING that I was not seeking out myself.....except maybe if the one soliciting is an 8 year old child selling wrapping paper for school, etc. But other than that, I do not buy when someone attempts to solicits me....no matter what. I simply say that I'm not interested or that sorry, I don't have any money. Once you begin to get in the habit of doing this, you will begin to sound and become more and more confident (as opposed to tentative). At this point, solicitors don't even try to continue to bug me when I tell them no. They quickly go on to the next victim.....obviously reading me as a "no means no" person....which is quite a miracle for someone like me.
And this includes all sorts of individuals who will approach me at gas pumps or in front of stores/convenience stores...who have a tale of woe and are asking me for a few dollars. I stick with NO....because for someone like me, that's what I have to do.
I don't even give to charities until I check out their ratings and reputation first....and check out how much of the $ actually goes to the cause. You can get this info on the internet. When I donated to the Haiti earthquake cause, I went directly to the Red Cross only rather than to donate to any of these relief charities I'd never heard of before.
I'm a very non-assertive person, unfortunately. But luckily, I have conquered the whole 'giving out money/getting taken or scammed' thing and it can be done. Just stick with the rule.
Consider the $40 to be a final lesson. Listen....this is a small price to pay to learn the lesson and benefit from it. There are so many who have fallen for these 419 scams and have spent thousands of dollars. These scams make billions of dollars a year from their victims.....so clearly, there are plenty of people falling for them. Just check out some of the 419 scam sites to see this....it's truly horrifying.
Basic rule: do not EVER give $ to anyone who asks you for it who you encountered on the internet....no matter what great story they give you. Do not give $ to anyone you have never met in person. EVER. And do not give to anyone who solicits you first.
By the way (just as an aside...because I'm quite a bit older than you are)....people (particularly women...though this can happen to men also) who have our sort of personality issues are often victims of abusive (physically and/or emotionally) husbands/boyfriends (or wives/girlfriends). We don't even see them coming and don't realize that we've yet again hooked up with the same person over and over. Psych professionals call this "a lid for every pot"....meaning that there is a person with a corresponding dysfunction for our particular dysfunction.....and we will find each other across a crowded room....having no idea what is happening.....and not meaning for this to happen....not recognizing the red flags (or ignoring them).
Seriously, I now think I'm a candidate who should have had parents make a match for marriage for me.....that's how bad I am at this. My dysfunction has made me my own worst enemy when it's come to this.
Interesting story....my boss years ago liked to date married men (she was married with children herself....but would always seek out married men). We had this Christmas party one year where there were all these male vendors and somehow...almost like magic....all the men who approached her turned out to be married. The ones who approached me were not.
How did they know? Sonar? Radar?
Often, people can sense/recognize their victims subconsciously. There are users and those who are easily used. And the users have an uncanny knack for finding the ones they can easily use....almost by radar. It's as if we have a sign on our forehead or on our back.
We have to learn the rules and coping skills to deal with them.....as it's unlikely our personalities will completely change. We have to learn to adapt and to avoid the problems that go along with having this type of personality.
deena