I just entered maintenance in the last few weeks and I realized that I already have an attitude of expecting failure.

Last week we found out my husband's job in CA is going to be permanent so my two sons and I are leaving NC in a few months to join Dad. This is just wonderful news. It makes maintenance harder for me because we like to BBQ as a family or stop by the market and eat outside at a park. If I'm logical that is no big deal. I can stick to healthy foods, I don't have to over eat and it is only one day a week. I did not get into the 220s by having a weekly family outing! I used to eat candy and junk food ALL THE TIME. But still what runs through my head? "Oh I am going to regain all the weight. I might as well stop trying now!"

Today my older son (who is autistic) is having a really hard time which causes me to feel stressed. What runs through my head? "Oh NO. I gave away all my larger clothes and now I will have to spend money when I regain the weight!" I didn't go off plan at all so why would I think I'm going to regain the weight?

I knew early on in the process that I was changing my eating habits for good. I KNEW IT. When I got to my maintenance range I didn't get all excited about the things I could eat now because I still can't eat those things. I still FEEL like I'm going to fail.

Well ! My gosh , you can BBQ in California . BBQ is big in California. We have parks in California, too . where will you be moving in California ?

Hi Liz, maybe you're just tempted by old comforts because other things are changing around you and your old life is familiar?

If that's so i guess you need to recognise where the doubt is coming from and conquer it mentally. As you say, it's not the once-a-week bbq that's a problem.

How about if you make a commitment to yourself to absolutely not regain weight until after summer, say. And then make another bargain with yourself after that to continue. You seem to be giving yourself the option at the moment which is bad because you're going to spend time thinking about whether you will lapse or not instead of it just NOT being an option.

Don't you want all the new people you will meet in CA to know you as you are now. It's a fresh start. Otherwise they'll see you as you are now and then see you getting larger and larger......

It sounds like there is a part of you that wants you to fail--so you can go back to your old ways.

Tell that voice to shut the f. up! Every time you find yourself thinking you need bigger clothes because you're going to regain, turn it around! Tell yourself it's a good thing you are maintaining your weight and that you're doing a good job of it. You MUST counter those thoughts with something positive.

Jay

Hey Liz...My oldest son (almost 18) is also autistic and I have used his disability more times than I can count to over- eat, drink, smoke, sleep, be lazy, be mad at the world. Autism pretty much sucks, and I think the turning point in my life (into morbid obesity, binge drinking etc.) came about when I finally realize after YEARS of trying, that I could not cure him of his disability. I sunk into a MAJOR depression and couldn't find my way out for several years. Tons of stuff happened, but when I finally realized that I was killing myself, and he (and my other son and husband) desperately needed me did I start to heal myself. All these years I tried to cure him and couldn't, but thankfully I could cure (or at least heal) myself. I think that being the best me I can be, made me a much better mother to him, and thats what he needs more than anything.

I'm not saying (AT ALL) that you have had these feelings, but I would like to remind you that your son will probably need you for a LONG time. He will depend on you to stay healthy and strong for MANY years to come. That right there is a terrific reason to keep the weight off and maintain.

I think about failing all the time. I have been maintaining for a year now and it's always on my mind. Especially on those days that I choose not to stick with my diet, which happens about once a week.

Thank you all for replying. I think you are right that I should not accept failure as an option. I can't stop those thoughts from popping into my head but I will yell "SHUT UP" each and every time they do.

I'm moving to Anaheim. I actually lived in San Jose for 2 months a few years ago while my son went to a feeding clinic. It was very nice. Hopefully Anaheim will be too.

Thank you for posting this. I have felt very similarly. I used my son's autism to justify grossly over eating. I always told myself that I have a really stressful life and eating junk food is the only pleasure I have left. I was motivated to change because my blood pressure got too high and I knew I wouldn't be around to take care of my son if I didn't change. My husband told me to think about how awful his life would be without me. I have to remember that is the reason I can't fail and go back to old thought patterns. Thank you for reminding me what is most important.

Even though my address is Saratoga I basically live in San Jose. Never lived in Anaheim but have been there many times, Disneyland and other tourist attractions. Look around and see if you can find any parent's groups dealing with Autism. I recently read an article by Holly Robinson Peete,the actress who has an autistic child. She told how her husband , Rodney Peete the football player had a hard time accepting his son's autism, He was disappointed his son could never be an athlete like him. She said when her husband moved to "Denial Street" she moved to "Kicka$$ Street" and told him he better get on board and do everything he could for his son or he could leave . Of course he changed his tune and is now a big supporter of Autistic Programs. Jenny MacCarthy is another actress with an Autistic child, her husband couldn't deal with it and left. So I say you are lucky to have a supportive husband. I have a cousin with an Autistic child, her life is different than she thought it would be, but she is dealing with it as well as her husband. Good luck on your new life in California.

Too bad you're not moving to the desert. My friend is a speech therapist who works with autistic kids and we have a big community that supports autism (my DH just participated in a HUGE golf tournament that raises money to keep the kids in therapy over the summer). I'm sure they have similar groups in Anaheim so look for them!!

Welcome to Sunny So Cal!! And you know what, BBQ's can be really good-- you don't have to cook or eat fatty things. You'll do fine.

As a fellow North Carolinian, I would have thought it would be easier to maintain in CA than here. My mental image of Californians is thin, active, almost obsessive about the whole natural lifestyle thing Like all of CA is Chapel Hill/Carrboro.

Ah well, don't disillusion me.

As a transplanted Texan to California, I can tell you it is MUCH EASIER to lose weight and maintain in California than in the South!

Hugs to you. I hear you loud and clear and often feel/think the same things..... mind games!