So I did one of Jillian's older videos today the Shape Up Front and WHOA! Way harder than I remembered. It's kinda funny considering I had been kicking my butt in the gym and doing the other videos like 30DS and Banish Fat Boost Metabolism and No More Trouble Zones but sheesh! Must be the slightly different exercises in a slightly different sequence.

Oh and not only did I feel like dying and puking, *but* it triggered one of those emotional responses where I became all anxious about God knows what, probably something way deep back there in the recesses of mind. I wanted to stop the video to pin point exactly what it was but the other part of me just wanted to keep pushing and finish the video so I did. I sit here now realizing it was when we were doing lateral shoulder raises and alternating lunges (which by the way I tend to struggle with) at the same time. I feel like the anxiety triggered by it was a metaphor for a fear of caving to the pressure of yielding to something that I don't want to yield to, that I feel like I should be strong enough not to have to yield to. And the more that I think about it, the more mad I get because I've realized what it is that's stressing me and again I feel like I should be stronger. I want to be stronger because in the grand scheme of things, it's not all that important though it has throw me for a loop.

So I decided to go back after the video was done and after I wrote some of this to go back and re-do those 2 sets that I missed because I was about to start crying just to prove to myself just how strong I am because sometime you need that reminder. I figure that if I can be strong enough to even go back and attempt that exercise I know I can go out into the world and face the thing that has got me so thrown. But I took it beyond that and I completed both sets, no tears, no stopping (except between the 2 sets that is), with the anxiety there but I pushed through it. I did what the tattoo on my foot says and one of Jillian's catch phrases "Feel the fear, do it anyway!" and for that I'm stronger.

So I know sometimes we hate doing her videos for the sheer fact that it's painful both physically and can sometimes be emotionally, but we come out on the other end better, faster, and stronger so for that I am thankful. I just thought I'd share that all with you!