We have a lot of family problems going on right now. My husband is constantly on the road, searching for a job, and, on top of that, our marriage is in shambles. We [kids and I] moved in with my parents during the interim.

My oldest daughter [7] is having a rough time of it. She has my stress response. Food. Carbs, sweets, more carbs, anything chewy, anything salty, etc.

She loves fruits and veggies. When she's feeling good, it's the first thing she grabs for. She actually turns down candy or cake in favor of a shiny green apple or bright orange carrots.

I don't know if she's actually "depressed" right now [in the clinical definition] but she's definitely in a funk. She's been reaching for carbs constantly. I packed some food for our hiking trip last weekend and she overlooked the bananas and apples [two of her favorites] in favor of two giant bagels. This is just an example of how she's behaving.

I've tried gently pushing her towards fruits/veggies. In the last 3 weeks, her size 8 jeans [note: she is the height of a 10 year old so they were the right length and loose around the waist before] have become snug.

Her 5 year old sister is naturally slim. I have no idea where this child keeps her organs, but she's the height of their 7 year old play mates and can wear 3T shorts.

While I know fully that this is MY responsibility, I will go on a tangent and say that my family doesn't make it easy. My grandmother lets my 5 y/o have foods, stating "She's skinny she needs it." Then she'll give my 7 y/o the same thing, or, sometimes worse, less. It's created this cycle where we have to say 5 y/o is "skinny" and 7 y/o is "slim" because 7 y/o went through a phase of "I'm fat and she's thin!"

But...she's not slim anymore. She's not "obese", but she's definitely packing on some unneeded pounds. I don't know how to balance her eating habits with her self-image. Unfortunately, as strange as it is, my 5 y/o does NEED to eat more than my 7 y/o. She's like my husband [6'4" and 140 pounds] - ALWAYS HUNGRY no matter how much I feed her. And she's lucky and just burns it all off.

We've always approached eating and exercise as means to an end. You eat well so you give your body fuel so you can exercise and be healthy and active. Body size isn't important, because we always assumed that if they ate right body size wouldn't be an issue. So now, she's healthy and active and can do all sorts of things and isn't so overweight that others say anything...but she's getting there.

So...advice? Suggestions? What do I do? I've considered explaining to her that *I'm* trying to lose weight and asking her to be my "diet and exercise" buddy to keep me in check.

How can I help her? I'm overloaded and at a complete loss!

To reiterate, I KNOW that this is MY RESPONSIBILITY. She can only eat what I [or others] make available. So I know how to solve it, but I don't know how to do it without making her feel like crap about herself.

The only advice I can give you is don't bring the crap into the house. She's seven - she doesn't have money or transportation. If she has one choice, she will only go one route - healthy food.

I would really avoid the word diet because it is so loaded in our society and I would really see if you can avoid making it sound like you are making any sort of moral judgment or treating her any differently from her sister because of her weight. Little kids perceive things a lot differently than adults and I remember pretty much every horrible thing an adult ever said to me - some well intentioned and some not - but the well intentioned ones are still cringeworthy.

I have very limited control of what comes into the house. It's my parents house, and they refuse to see a problem. My dad doesn't want to give up his chocolate and cookies [which he should because he's DIABETIC] and my mom doesn't want to give up her ice cream, white bread and mac n' cheese. My grandmother thinks that every modern food invention [most recently toaster pastries] is the most novel, amazing, wonderful thing ever.

When we lived in our own house, it was very easy. I just didn't buy the stuff. We bought a half gallon of ice cream for birthday parties, but other than that, it only came in in those single-serving Ben and Jerry's containers. If they wanted cookies, we made them. The candy I kept for my husband's lunch was stored in a sealed container in the back of the fridge, so it was easier for them to grab a cheese stick from the front of the fridge or an apple from the table.

I'm really not trying to pass the blame. I need to sit down with my parents and explain the situation to them. But they are of the mindset that a family doesn't need to suffer for one person's lack of will power. My mother also believes that she is a "sturdy girl" and doesn't have a weight issue.

This is the same thing I did when I was little. At age 6, I was tall and skinny. By age 8, I was a little pudgy. By the time I was 11 or 12, I was 25 to 30 pounds overweight.

If this started after you moved in with your parents, it is most likely tied to your husband's leaving. That's the issue that needs to be addressed here, IMO. Sit her down and talk to her. Let her get her feelings out in the open and acknowledge how she feels - no need to lie to her and tell her everything's going to be perfect, but do tell her that food is not the answer. I agree with Nooch that bringing up the word "diet" is probably the last thing you should do right now, seeing as she already has some experience with being labeled. Tell her that she needs to be healthy when she feels bad, so she should eat more veggies and fruits because they will help her stay healthy so she can feel better. Hopefully she'll start to associate veggies and fruits with "comfort foods" and stay away from carbs.

Hope it works out. Good for you for recognizing the problem and nipping it in the bud.

No advice but LOTS of hugs.

I think the best thing to do is to keep modelling good eating habits, and talk to her about the underlying reasons for her over eating. Just low key discussions about how she is feeling, does she miss Daddy, etc.? I was a childhood over eater, I was eating to try to make myself feel better about some issues. Bringing attention to the fact that I was gaining weight only made me feel worse. What I needed was someone to care about why I was feeling bad.

I would also sit down and have a heart to heart with Grandma and the rest of the extended family and ask them to quit with the weight comparisons between the children.

Big hugs for all of you during this difficult time.

If you do have time another thing I would suggest is exercise for the two of you, but in the form of walks and bike rides and activities that burn calories. That way she feels she's spending time with mom but she's ALSO burning off calories

I'd also talk to her, let her get her feelings out and hopefully the emotional eating will go away. Heck even talk to her about eating when she's hungry vs. bored.

Best of luck!

Please don't put your 7 year old on a diet. This is how eating disorders start, IMO. And please don't project your own struggles with weight on her and try to fix her.

Concentrate on your own weight loss, and provide good foods whenever you can. Lead by example. Eat the fruit instead of the bagel. Offer both your children nutritious foods instead of sugary treats and junk. Talk with your parents and explain that you don't want the kids eating sugar, and you don't want weight-related comments made about them, either.

Good luck--I hope things are better resolved for you soon.

Jay

You must have a talk with your parents about giving the kids foods that are not good for them impress on them ,that you are their mother and you will decide what they will eat, you only want them to have healthy foods,, that goes for both girls. Tell parents and grandma that you are trying to avoid future health problems in your girls. Is it possible to get your own place? I would try to do that if possible.

I found this article: http://micheleborba.ivillage.com/par...overweigh.html Hopefully it will help you out a bit.

Perhaps you can sign your 7-year old up for a sport? Talk to her and see if she's interested in joining a soccer team or dance group.

Because of circumstances, it isn't possible to get our own place right now. We do "have" our own house (not for long though), but it's far away from my parents. My husband is unemployed and has limited income. I'm also working, but need child care (read:my mom) during the day. I can't afford the gas to get to and from our house to my mom's, not to mention it would just create a mess with my daughter's schooling. So we moved in and transferred her to the new school district.

I know our parents always look on us as their children no matter how old we are. Having said that you really have to stress that you are their mom and will decide their diet. While you appreciate that they are helping you out at this difficult time. Ask them to please remember your wishes regarding your daughters. An exercise program of some sort is a great idea. How about the Y ??

I like your idea of having your daughter be your buddy to help you lose weight. I am sorry about your living situation, it must be very hard. I would hope that your parents and grandparent at least compromise and not have so much junk available. I agree that children learn by example and hopefully seeing you becoming healthier and more fit will inspire them to do the same.

I think the sport idea is a really good one if you can afford it- what's coming up? Softball? How about Soccer?

This.

It seems counter-intuitive, but there is a lot of research out there indicating that restricting food actually contributes to childhood obesity. The best practice is to control what comes in to the house, but then allow them to make their own decisions about what to eat.


Most pediatricians agree that parents play an integral part in the fight against childhood obesity. But they also warn parents that certain restrictive feeding practices can increase a child's risk for unhealthy weight gain.

According to an Aug. 11 News-Medical.net article, researchers with the Center for Childhood Obesity Research at Pennsylvania State University followed nearly 200 girls over a 10-year period, tracking their body mass index and the family’s eating habits.

The researchers found that girls whose parents exhibited more control over food had less ability to self-regulate and were twice as likely to be overweight by age 15.

"Parental attempts to help children with lower self-control by restricting their access to favorite snack foods can make the forbidden foods more attractive, thereby exacerbating the problem," wrote co-lead researcher Stephanie Anzman, MS.

The study is scheduled to be published in an upcoming edition of the Journal of Pediatrics.