I just can't stand myself sometimes. These are the reasons I'm depressed:
1. I'm going to school to be a nurse. Most of the time I feel 'Yes, I know I'm smart enough to do this, but I am outgoing/outspoken enough to be a nurse?' It makes me paranoid. I feel like -what if I do this, work so hard and near my 4th semester I fail because I hate public speaking and there are community teaching projects we have to do in the end of our RN program. OMG! I have such bad social anxiety it's insane. My psychiatrist put me on klonopin which I haven't started just yet, but will be tonight. Is anyone else on that?
2. I feel ugly. I'm growing my dyed blonde hair out, natural color is dark blonde. Doing this so I can bleach it all and make it platinum. But my roots are showing so bad now and it makes me feel like trash. Really, nothing I can do about that though.
3. Of course I'm not happy with my weight, I feel so unhealthy. I may be 145 a normal weight for someone 5'6". But it is ALL flab and fat. No muscle what so ever. I can't hardly lift my baby in his carrier. Which altogether is like 30 lbs? Lame.
4. I always compare myself to others. Non-stop! Very tiring!
5. I can NOT control my eating, due to the medicine I'm on. Prednisone (for chrons) some of you know this drug. It's horrible for weight gain. But the health benefits for your problem are so good you can't NOT take it. I have noticed the 'moon face' which is prevelant in people taking it for a while. I am also on Cymbalta, a dizzy medicine (Can't remember how its spelled) and a multivitamin. I think prednisone is the reason for my eating habits.
6. I crave sweets sooooooo badly. It's about 80% of my diet. That and diet Coke. Not a healthy person no. I literally can't live without either though. If I try not to eat sweets, I wind up going on a binge and eating more than I would of if I'd just eaten some to begin with. And I can't lie without diet coke because I get headaches (Beyond the withdrawal period) and am even MORE tired/fatigued. I try to drink the same amount of water that I drink of Diet coke though. To 'even' it out. Lol.
7. Between; baby, studying, going to school, housework and all the extra errands I feel I have no time TO exercise.
8. I just feel like I root-showing, fat blob piece of trash! Yuck.
I just want to get rid of the social anxiety. Anyone please help me. It's the worst part of my problems.