I'm sick...least I think I'm sick. It's like my body's starting to get sick. My throat is sore and itchy, my nose is hardly stuffy, I ache all over and I'm TIRED. And its been like this for 3 days; if I'm going to be sick could it just do it by now! I worked out out for 30 minutes one of those days, blew it off day 1 and yesterday and trying very hard to convince myself that I'm not sick enough to not do it today.
I'd love to say I've been watching what I'm eatting but I'm eatting whatever is the most convienant to make since I'm still cooking for the family because DH has been at work most of the time.
I'm also sorta afraid to start the working out again. Everytime I take a break (even my scheduled days off) I feel like I'm going to die the first time I do the workout.
And tbh, I'm really pissed. At myself, this bug, and just in general. I was doing so AWESOME before the bug showed up. I felt GREAT, I was powering through the workouts doing well with food.
To make matters worse the first day I came down with the bug I learned the fluzzy my husband cheated on me with (they didn't have sex but she was for the most part his g/f, kissing, texting, hours and hours of phone calls, dates) is trying to contact him again. She's done it 3 times now. It's been over a year and a half. She called him once cause she "thought" she saw him, emailed him once to tell him she hoped we were doing well and just did it again to let him know that she was doing the one thing HE never wanted her to do...lose weight. **** her and him. After the first month we met my husband had called me chubby, now he calls me fat (well, not recently since I've been activly losing weight). This girl is not thin...in fact I don't think she's even that pretty. It actually hurt me more to know my husband went for someone I'd call homely. Don't get me wrong, I'm no model or beauty queen, but at least a sexy Hooter's girl or something like that. It hurt myself esteem more that she wasn't...I mean, how ugly am I really that THAT was attractive. And I've checked her myspace page, she hasn't lost any weight that I can see...but I realize I'm biased and while I always thought it was wrong to HATE anyone, I really, really do HATE her. I wish awful things upon her, and that's just not me.
So now I'm in this stalled state. I know if I don't revive my efforts soon I'll be going down the relaspe road. I get the feeling drained, feeling achy and not wanting to work out. But its like this thing with that girl is just gotten in my head. Like maybe subconsciously I don't want to do anything she might be doing or something like that. I don't want us to be able to be viewed "alike" in anyway or comparitvily perhapes...I don't know. I'd really appreciate any input if anyone has any.