Quote:
Originally Posted by saef
When I started thinking about rewarding myself, and what this usually meant, I really stumbled into an important bit of knowledge about myself.
That was: I squirm at the idea of "rewarding" myself for doing something good as a result of a positive situation. I am much more used to "comforting" myself when things go wrong, or when I feel hurt, in a negative situation.
Isn't that screwed up? It means I'm only good to myself when the rest of the world isn't. And so often, it's food that I'm using.
I have to really WORK AT thinking of ways to be nice to myself that do NOT involve food. But I think it's critical to have a list someplace, so you can turn to it when those "reward" and "comfort" needs come up. I see people on these boards compiling those lists & struggling with the same things all the time, so I know it's not just me. Maybe it's you, too.
This is really perceptive SAEF. I've been thinking a lot about this myself.
I struggle with this all the time too.
It seems like the best I can do to give myself pleasure is to reward myself by giving things to other people... my kids mostly.
But I struggle mightily to do nice things for myself.
My husband is the same way. He doesn't do much for himself and he also doesn't do much for me (treat-wise) although he's generous to a fault with others. For years, we showered the kids with gifts on holidays that we had to reach to afford, and then either skipped gifts for each other or got something incredibly modest...
I never realized how much I was using food as the one thing I got a free pass on. Hair cut? Too expensive. The car I want rather than the most practical one-- ridiculously frivolous. New clothes or shoes? Extravagant. Pedicure? Maybe someday. Vacation? Ha! A nice dinner out with my husband? Who's going to watch the kids, and besides, don't they have stuff they want to do instead? And on and on.
How did I get this way? Probably partly my upbringing, and partly because my husband and I struggled with money for a very long time. But, even when there is not a lot of money around, you can still do little things. I always managed to find ways to do nice things for my kids.
So, no wonder, when I systematically refused any type of personal pleasure for myself I thought a bag of jelly bellies or a secret trip through the drive-through was a good idea.
I am trying to retrain myself. But it's hard.