I'm new, I've been looking for a good forum to join.
My 25th birthday is coming up in about a month and I'm having a full-blown quarter life crisis.
I've been overweight my whole life (unless you count Kindergarten and under.. ah, those were the days! ).
The first time I realized I was fat was when I was about 7 and visiting my mom's family (who's first language is Spanish) and overhearing my uncle say my name and "gordita" in the same sentence. I asked my mom what it meant and she said "pretty". Then my older brother happily told me what it really meant.
Anyway, the whole low self-esteem/comfort eating cycle just continued on for the next 18 years, and here I am now at 314 lbs at 5'6". I rarely ever broke down and cried though, which I accomplished mainly through denial. I was almost comfortable with myself, as long as I led a sedentary lifestyle, outright refused to look at any pictures of myself, and avoided buying new clothes for long stretches of time.
However, that breakdown did finally come a couple weeks ago after I bought a little swingset for my three-year old son. He kept asking "Swing with me mommy!" and I had to finally explain to him mommy's too big to swing, and that I would break it if I tried.
I didn't cry, especially not in front of my son, but I did sit in my room and stared at nothing for a long long time, until I was able to wrap my head around what I've become and how it's costing me from enjoying my son's childhood, and perhaps in the future, his life.
Yeah, enough of this. No more hiding my demons in the closet. No excuses. I will pour my soul into working my *** off (literally) until I can fit in that damn swing!