Finally decided to get medicated for my depression/anxiety/OCD. I'm a person who try anything and everything before actually getting on medication...did the Vitamin B thing, meditation, etc.

In any case, I'm now on Lexapro 10mg and Ativan [lorazepam] 0.5mg. The MD said the Lexapro will take a couple weeks to kick in and for me to take lorazepam in the mean time whenever I have an anxiety attack.


The reason I'm starting it now is because [a] this time of year is hard for me in any case [my grandma passed away three years ago May 1] and my hubby is leaving for three weeks as of this coming up Tuesday. He'll be gone for the entire time period...the time period in which every year, without fail, I cry for days on end.

I was having anxiety attacks in ANTICIPATION of the anxiety attacks I know I'm going to have.


The end result being: I started the Lexapro yesterday and figured out why they gave me the lorazepam along with it - I nearly lost my mind in this crazy manic OCD phase! I mean, granted, my appetite is almost completely gone so I might even lose some weight out of starting these meds, but my goodness! I cleaned our apartment in about two hours flat, and we're talking crazy OCD cleaning.

I feel better today, though...still energetic but not manic energetic.

-sigh- Maybe this will stop the binging I've been doing all week when I've been having my anxiety attacks. I'm hoping the meds will bring down my anxiety which will bring down my compulsive over-eating binges [diagnosed with COE].

Wish me luck!

Wow that's a lot to swallow huh? I feel for you. I suffered from HORRIBLE anxiety and was hospitalized a few times for it. I finally took a course "Managing panic and anxiety" and that helped big time for me. I managed to avoid the drugs BUT I would have taken them if I had needed them. I'm glad that you are able to get the help that you need!

I'm not a fan of meds but it sounds like you need something to help you out right now. Anxiety is an awful, awful thing that just grows and grows and feeds on itself.

Hope you get to feeling better soon and begin recovering your mental health. It's the most important (IMO) and without it, you can't recover your physical health.

Amanda Leigh, I have fought depression for years and I know that it's no easy road. I hope the meds work perfectly for you and you find some relief.

Yeah...I was talking to my best friend last night, who is very, very anti-medication...I managed to explain to him that I know the meds aren't going to just outright fix all my problems. I know I need to go to therapy and probably on some combination of meds and therapy for a while, but it's a crutch I need for at least right now.

I need to be calm enough to function, do my job, etc...and if these help me accomplish that for at least long enough to start therapy, it'll be one more step to getting better, or at least bringing my symptoms down to a manageable level.

I am so sorry that you have been made to feel guilty for taking medication to manage your condition. As a nation, our stance on mental health is so very skewed. If a person were diabetic, would we condemn them for taking insulin? If the neurotransmitters and hormones are not working correctly in your body, medication might be the only alternative. Sometimes, change in diet and lifestyle can help, but these things don't always fix the disorder. Do I think you should pass on getting counseling and treatment? No! These things are necessary to help you manage your condition and have a good quality of life.

My MIL has a severe form of bi-polarism. I am simply amazed at the number of people who assume that she must have done something to bring this onto herself in her earlier years. She feels guilty that she must take medicine to maintain quality of life. I hate this for her. I have often been made to feel weak because I battle depression.

Don't feel quilty for doing what is best for you. You didn't choose to have this disorder and you deserve to enjoy your life.

Rhonda, you're the best. I do feel so guilty about taking medication...like I'm resorting to it, or I'm a failure for not fixing it on my own. I've been giving myself pep talks for the last couple of days, telling myself it's okay to be on the meds lol.

You are in no way a failure for taking medication.. in fact its very brave of you.. rather than sit around and do nothing about your problem, you have tried many non-medical ways to deal with it and it didn't work and now rather than go into a downward spiral you are taking charge and taking medication to help yourself.

Sometimes you need a little medical help to bring yourself out of a funk. It will be temporary and you will be back to yourself in no time.

I had some serious anxiety a couple of years back and didn't even realize it.. it was manifesting itself in severe itchiness.. I was itching to the point of giving myself black and blue bruises.. I didn't know what was going on.. I tried all sorts of natural solutions, and then finally went to my doctor. He gave me an anti anxiety medication for a short time, and I weaned myself off within three months and I was back to normal. Had I not done it I probably would still be itching myself crazy four years later.

I had to get ativan for anxiety as well. I rarely take it but it DOES help incredibly.
I am really proud of you for talking to your Doctor and getting some help. You will feel so much better. It's nice to feel ok, not a weeping mess all the time. Plus, you will still feel your emotions, you won't be numb. It will be a blessing for you.
I am sorry about your Grandma. You must have been very close to her. That is a special relationship for sure.
Don't forget all the people here that you can lean on when you feel alone. When you feel alone, it's just that, a feeling... doesn't mean you really ARE alone.

I hate the guilt that society attaches to medication for mental health.

Yes, I agree it's over prescribed. Yes, I agree that it's not going to completely solve the problem but you never hear someone giving someone crap for being on heart medication. Mental health can be as much of a concern as cardiac health.

I'm glad you're on meds. I hope they find a combination that helps you out.

Rhonda and Goddess Jessica (and everyone else)--You took the words right out of my mouth!!!!

Amanda--I really can't add anything that hasn't been said already. I do want to offer my support and let you know that you are doing exactly what you need to do. period. end of story. no one has the right to judge you for your decision to take meds. Unless someone has experienced anxiety and panic attacks (and I have), they cannot completely understand how completely out of control and scary it feels. I also needed to go on some medication short term, but that's what it is for. Your doctor is right, the lexapro will take some time, but it can work really well.

I agree, I am happy that you went to the doctor and are on meds. My doctor told me once that especially as women we tend think we can handle it on our own and that we need to handle it on our own and end up waiting way, way too long before asking for help. That's what I did and it took me a long time before I felt better. Glad you didn't wait!!!

Do something nice for yourself, you deserve it!

STIGMA! augh, it's so frustrating.

I only know this about bipolar because I'm bipolar and have studied up on it, but I'm sure it's similar with other disorders:

Did you ever see the brain scans? mri's of a manic brain, the active parts are 'lit up' and almost the entire brain is lit up. and when depressed almost the entire brain is NOT lit up. not active. which is why when depressed you do EVERYTHING slowly. it's a physical condition, it really is....and people need not feel guilty for taking medication for it. so sad that our culture treats MI the way they do.