Hi everyone, I’ve been reading the forum for a little over a year and finally decided to introduce myself to everyone.
I’m 29 years old, live in the UK, and I weight 245lb with a body fat of 52% and hight of 5’9.
I’ve been someone who has been overweight all my life and absolutely hate it, because it so far stopped me from what I want desperately which is to get married and have children.
I’m someone who has extreme low self esteem and I always sabotage my relationships because I refuse to be intimate with someone with the way my body looks. Almost a year and half ago I was with someone who had all the qualities I was looking for in husband and who loved me, we set the wedding and I thought I could lose the weight in time for the wedding. It did not happen, so I called the wedding off and lied to him, myself and my family I said it was because I did not love him, whereas I know it’s because of my weight.
This has been a cycle that always happens in my life, I always find an excuse to refuse people because of weight. My family and friends know this and they find it extremely shocking that I’m letting my weight stand in the way of my desire to have a family.
When I was younger that used to hide in closets when relatives come to visit because I did not want them to see me and comment on my weight. I would even ask my friends to stand in front of me when I saw someone I knew, so they would not see me. I never went out and had fun when I was teenager because I felt totally self-conscious so I always stayed home.
I would always go on diet but stop after month at the most, at the age of 23 I lose my weight with a diet program called Lighter Life, which is basically drinking shakes with no more 500 calories a day and 4 liters of water with nothing else. I did that for 6 months and lost 100 pounds. So did that make me happy and start living my life? Absolutely not.
As you all know, when you are big, you have this daydream when you lose the weight that you will have a body like most slim people. That did not happen with me and I guess because I did not exercise and lost the weight too fast, I was literally a skinny fat person, I looked very small but still had fat all over my body, I looked disgusting and I remember crying in changing rooms because I did not look how I imagined I would look.
The worst areas were my lumpy thighs I don’t know how to describe them because it’s worse than cellulite, it’s literally fat under the skin which makes the skin uneven and very lumpy. So it looked even worse when I lost the weight so much so that you could see the lumps through trousers Sorry, I rumbled on for too long, to cut a long story short I’ve sense put all the weight back on and I’m more desperate than ever to lose it. But worried whether I can do it and how I would look afterwards. I would appreciate any advice you guys could give me. Thanks