Hi everyone.
Things have been rather busy over at my apartment lately. I am still without a job, but I have 3 interviews this week, so here's hoping
Anyways, last night, I came to a terrible realization. I came to the conclusion that I am far too dependent on my husband. Here's what happened: my husband came home and told me that his company is going to pay for him to go on a 4 day trip to Chicago for a really cool conference on Wind Power (he's in the field). He will get to stay at a nice hotel, go to a concert, attend a fancy dinner, and lots of other really cool things. I am really happy for him. I want him to have a good time an enjoy himself. However... when he told me about it, I burst into tears. Like I said, I was really happy for him... but the idea of spending 4 days by myself in our apartment, sleeping in an empty bed... it makes me incredibly sad.
Now here's some back history: We have been together over 8 years now. We spent 6 1/2 years in a long distance relationship. I am no stranger to being separated from him. I have been in a relationship with him since I was 14, so I basically grew up with him always in my life, even if he was very far away. I spent the 2 years before our wedding driving back and forth 2 1/4 hours every weekend to see him, and those two years seem to have scarred me for life, actually. I hated leaving him, because I only saw him once a week, and I would cry all the way back home for those 2 1/4 hours. We always had the habit of making love right before I left, and because of conditioning (oh wonderful psychology) I have a mild panic attack if we ever make love on a saturday night, because I subconsciously feel like I have to get up and leave to go back... and we have been married and living together now for a year and a half. Old habits die hard I guess. But anyways... I guess because we had been separated for so long, when we were finally able to be together... I really latched on tight. It sure didn't help that I moved away from my family and friends to be with him either. In a sense, I feel as though I gave up everything to be with him... and while I don't at all regret my decision, it has left me with some unresolved issues.
I have plans to take up dance classes once I get a job, because I have always wanted to dance and because I think it would be healthy for me to get some activities of my own, without my husband around. I think being in an unfamiliar place, without any friends around has made me too dependent on my husband. I also think that because I practically grew up with him in my life, I have not properly developed the independence that I needed to be a well-rounded adult. God forbid something if ever happens to him... I would need to be able to stand up on my own two feet and make it alone.
I guess I am just looking for other ways, besides a dance class, that I can get out there and be more independent. I feel pathetic for being so upset over him being gone for 4 days. Like a child who gets home-sick when she's away from her mommy. I know I need to grow up and take control of my life and my own independence... I just need ideas on how to accomplish this. Any advice? I know there are a lot of women on here who have much more marriage/relationship experience than I do. I don't know how military wives do it, to be honest... I have so much respect for them, because I don't know how I would ever handle it.