Im not sure why im reluctant, its such a weird emotion. i dont want someone to look over my shoulder and see that im in the OA section. and yet. its ok to be seen at 3fc in general. . im probably still in denial that im a over-eater. even thought ive been doing it for years. . everyone in my family knows.. its not that easy to hide, i am freaking 275lbs!! yeesh. but something in my brain just doesnt want that label. its weird.. maybe im werid!
i also cannot understand why, i hide what i eat. i hate to be seen eating, especially during a binge.!! now, for example, i was planning on eating this whole pan of dinner... the whole thing. i knew i was going to do it. there was no stopping it, its just a matter of fact that it WAS going to happen. i was alone, my child asleep. .. and than i heard a car door.. i panicked. i dumped the rest back into the pan, and tried to wash out my dish. and cover up what i had made. i dont understand this behavoir from myself.
i literally get scared. . i panic that i'll be found out. the thing is... is what i made is part of my diet ( im a low-carber) -- and cant really do much damage to me weight wise. . but i still binge on it..
and now... i wont touch the stuff. someone is home, i'll either put it away for later. or ignore and denie i would even eat such a thing.
im so screwed up man.... sometimes i feel that there is hope. and other times im like.. wow... Im pretty f-d UP!!! LMAO--- hahaha sometimes i just have to laugh at myself. . im pathedic.
alrighty well, to whomever got this far, thanks for letting me vent. .
*sighs*