Everyone seems so thrilled to be getting WLS, so excited and ready for it and yet I wonder am I thee only person afraid of all kinds of things to do with it?
I am a paysite model on a BBW site, I dont model for fun I model for money, i am between 440 and 450 and I just turned 40 in dec of 08. Since I have end stage artritis and bi-polar I am disabled and so at this time the modeling is my only extra income, even though the SSI takes back half of what I make it is still enough for nessesities.
I have been over 300 since I was about 18 and over 400 since I was about 28 my top weight was 460 and I have never lost more than 25 pounds from a diet even though I keep trying.
My dr wants to do DS which my grandma had 35 years ago (well the intestinal part not the stomach) and she says she would do it again even with the troubles she has had (hernias and intestinal issues like polops)
Here is my situation... I dont hate myself for being fat, I have men all over who say I am amazing and have for the last 11 years on line, I have never had a problem finding a man at this size and to be dead honest if I was not being crippled by my weight I would be happy to lose to say 350 to 380 lbs and stop there but the fact is they wont consider knee surgery above 200 for me.
being 445 or so I have a lot fo skin and since I am on medicade while they might do the surgery (it is still up in the air) they may or may not do the tummy tuck on health reasons, also I am a 52G and I know what will happen if I lose 250 pounds and I wont be able to afford a mastioplexy.
So here are my fears:
I am scared I will not be approved, I am scared i WILL be approved.
I am scared I will lose too much weight to be healthy or not enough to get my knee surgery.
I am scared of how I will look when I am done, everyone says I look younger than my age but will I look as good if I am smaller?
I am scared of losing my boobs (I did not say that all my fears were highbrow, some are just vain and stupid)
I am scared I will never be able to get reconstructive surgery if I do lose tons of weight.
I am scared because my dr insist that the only way they can do the WLS is a duodenal switch and that involves an open insision and I am scared about how I will heal and how I will scar (like I said Vain, I also scar badly)
I am scared if I dont get the surgery I will not be able to walk in a year, a very real posibility
I am scared my BF wont want me any more (stupid I hope)
I am scared no man will want me afterwards,
I am scared in general
Am I the only person afraid?