Here are complete instructions on how not to prepare your thanksgiving turkey. First- make a disgusting looking and smelling brine out of water, salt, sugar, a zillion peppercorns, some bay leaves, and an entire head of garlic- do this at the last minute instead of 2 days ahead like the recipe suggests- who needs a recipe!?
Next, juggle all the other things in your fridge to find room for the molten pot of brine- can't put the cold bird into a hot brine after all. Once cooled - unwrap the bird, pull out that thing that gross looking thing and that sac of crap - rinse and stick it into a Glad roasting bag. And here is where the fun starts! Have your husband hold the bag while you pour the brine in - being careful not to spill any. Now quick like- grab a second bag just in case- you wouldn't want brine and turkey juice all over your fridge now would you?
BUT WAIT! Before you can get the second bag on - the entire thing explodes shooting 3 quarts of brine, a zillion peppercorns, and the turkey into the kitchen floor!
Oh yes. Every try to sweep up 1/2 a cup of WET peppercorns, and entire head of crushed garlic?!
What am I thankful for this Thanksgiving?! Well- I'm thankful that I'm moving soon and someone else can find the salmonella factory that leaked under the refrigerator. I'm thankful for a steam mop. I'm thankful that I had some clean towels for once. And for clorox wipes.
And we're eating the darn thing tomorrow anyway- 10 second rule!!!
anyone else want to share their Thanksgiving disasters? I can't be alone here....