I debated whether or not to open a 'can or worms' but I think it is an important subject and the whole point of boards is to get a diverse set of opinions, so even though many or most of you might disagree with me, that again is the point of having boards. And I choose the title with care, this is a view not 'the' view not the 'right' or 'wrong' view it is a view from my own experience.
It was incredibly important to me in my weight loss journey to no longer accept my weight or myself being at my high weight. When push came to shove every day when we all make our eating decisions this non-acceptance was the extra push for me to stay the course.
This was a decision based on love. Love of life, love of family, and yes love of self. If I didn't love life and want to get the most out of it, then it would have been easy to accept my weight. If I didn't love being outdoors and being active and hiking, it would have been easier to accept my weight. If I didn' love my family and friends it would have been easier to accept my weight, but I didn't want to deny them a healthy me or someone who was able to partake in activities with them. If I didn't love myself I could have accepted my weight.
I also realized there were social implactions for being overweight even those they are not correct. Discrimination in jobs (studies find overweight people make less then people who weigh less) are WRONG. Making assumptions about people's personalities who are overweight is also wrong, there are a million reasons for being overweight.
However finding someone attractive or not attractive because they are overweight is NOT WRONG. Think about it. I am very accepting of gay people because my personal stance is it is biological. I never 'choose' to be attracted to women I just am. Should I be critcized if I was attracted to men not women? I don't think so. I never 'choose' not to be attracted to women who are a certain size I just am. And it is NOT media driven. I am not attracted to the skiny model type women the media keeps driving are beautiful and desirable either. The point is it is a biological reaction (with I am sure some society thrown in) who I or anyone else finds attractive. And it is pointless on this point agruging if it is wrong or not. Is it wrong to not find people attractive with small noses?
So part of the non-acceptance of my weight was realizing that a lot of women would not find me attractive at my large size. And I never thought of it as wrong. **** if I did I would have been a hypocrite no? I didn't find sizable women attractive why should I expect them to find me attractive? Part of why I am writing this is that a previous discussion helped clarify my own thoughts on these issues. As I said a couple of paragraphs ok issues surrounding discrimination of overweight people in society are dead wrong and that includes being embarrased or not by someone who is overweight. But finding someone overweight attractive is not wrong, it is mostly biological with some obvious bias by mass media thrown in there. But clearly it isn't wrong in the same way discrimination is. You can not 'politically correct' what somone finds attractive or not. Would a man or woman who found average weight or skinny people very unattractive be 'wrong'?
I just wanted to provide my view that non-acceptance of my weight for important life issues is what, ulitmately, led me to lose the weight. And that may not be the case for anyone else. But I don't want to have anyone feel 'presured' into feeling they have to accept their weight or ok about it or whatever in order to lose it. That did not at all work for me, but it may for others. I also don't want to feel 'shallow' because I am not attracted to a certain size woman. I am not attracted to thousands of women with 'perfect' by my denifition bodies I have run across as well. Again as far as I can tell I don't even 'choose' who I am attracted to. But here again I feel my thinking has cleared over the past few days. Being attracted to someone is an entirely personal phenomona that is very important but it different from accepting someone as co-worker, boss, child, parent, spouse, friend etc. Judging someone in those roles be weight is wrong. But clearly weight does come into play with attractiveness just as a thousand other factors do and someone not finding a person attractive based on weight as one factor is no different from someone not finding a certain height or full lips attractive or not.