It all started when I went to visit my younger sister at dental school for a ceremony the class of '12 was having.
Now, we may be sisters, but we are very different. We come from a very middle class background. Both of our parents are immigrants and worked very hard for their modest home and belongings. We were never poor, and were lucky enough to have everything we needed. But talking to my sister you would think that we were on food stamps. She was always embarassed of our house and of our belongings and for that reason never invited anyone over.
As she has got older, it seems her problem has gotten worse. It has become obvious that she's not only embarassed of her background, she's embarassed of her family. Here are a few examples from the visit:
- We were staying at her apartment since we're not really hotel people and there aren't really a lot of choices in SmallTown, U.S.A and my youngest sister [14] threw a mini tantrum about sleeping arrangements. The middle sister then blew up at us saying "Good grief, why couldn't you guys have just shelled out the $100 and stayed at a hotel."
- Moving on from there she proceded to introduce us to her class via class picture. It went something like this: "This is "Michael Smith", his family is oh so rich and he drives a Mercedes." She would go on and on at length about the upper class colleagues and mention a brief blurb about the not so well-to-do classmates.
- I had recently injured my foot (another reason for falling off the wagon, - foot pain = even less fun to exercise) and I had to wear flats to the ceremony. I chose to wear a sundress and nice leather sandals to the ceremony since it was 90 outside. She proceeded to look at me with utter disgust and ask "Are you seriously wearing that?"
- After growing up together for 20 years you would think that she would know that I really don't give a rats a** about fashion or designer labels. I would rather go for classics that are comfortable than have to blow $$$$$ on a new wardrobe every season.
- Following the ceremony all the students were milling about the grounds socializing with their families and friends. Whenever my sister would see someone she knew she would run over - with us in tow - and the friend would be like "Hi, I'm Jennifer. These are my parents Jack and Jill, and my sister/brother, etc." My sister would talk it up with these people for 5-10 minutes while we would stand around awkwardly before she would go, "Oh, by the way, this is my mom and those are my sisters."
- We went out to eat to celebrate the ceremony and her accomplishments and she actually scoffed at my calorie counting. That was the worst I think. I have always struggled with my weight, and she knows it, while she has been pretty slim all her life.
Basically, the whole weekend she made me (and I'm pretty sure my mother too) feel pretty worthless. It's true, I'm not rich. I guess I could best be described as sort of hippy-ish. I really don't care about fashion, name-brands, main-stream TV/entertainment. I prefer the outdoors, reading, gardening, etc. I have a career that I enjoy and leaves me time to live life, but does not necessarily pay mega bucks. I live in a cozy little house (which she criticized as well for having siding) as opposed to a giant McMansion. And I am happy with that. I've never wanted things, what good will they do me? Things can always be taken away, knowledge and experiences can't. I just don't understand her position I guess...
All of that, plus the foot injury (which the HMO is soooo expeditiously taking care of) has totally sideswiped any progress I might have been making. The past few weeks have been nothing but no working out coupled with serious bingeing. I'm afraid to step on the scale
Argh, I shouldn't let it get to me that much, but emotions are sooooo hard to control.
I apologize again for the rambling, I just had to get it out.