good morning my coaches,
also saw some sadness earlier this week. a friend of a friend, not close, but saw her occassionally and liked her very much, died in her sleep with no forwarning. she was in her early forties and the shock is terrible. was it quilterinva who said that it was important to be grateful to wake up on the right side of the grass? wow. had a yearly checkup with the obgyn and got the message about sophia while in the waiting room. i'm nice and healthy, and seeing all those pregnant bellies - i really, really badly want a second child. turning 38 next year, and that particular window will not be open forever. with all DH is going through, the idea of another baby usually sends him spiralling into his unhappy place, so i am generally hesitant to bring it up, although i regularly worry myself sick that it won't happen. was thinking about this all the way back from the doc's office. what's the best way to handle this? pizza, you say? a whole pizza? yes, that's generally a productive, healthy way to deal with a difficult issue compounded by grief. folks, i'm not happy about how i handled this. not happy at all. i wish it HAD made my body feel worse - but oddly enough, eating an entire small pizza, and washing it down with a package of chocolate-covered pretzels, didn't make my stomach hurt at all. what the HECK is that about? what is going on with my hunger signals???
i guess the good thing is that later last night i did go there with DH, and while he is not OK with the idea of a second child, he's willing to deal with whatever emotional fallout that creates for him because he trusts my take on it and at the end of the day, he puts my happiness right at the top of his priority list. he's worried that the second one won't be as great as the first, that he doesn't have room in his heart for another one, that there will be something wrong with it, that it will be hard, that the first one will be angry when the universe stops being all about him, etc. DH also did a little passive-aggressive maneuver that i called him on, but at the end of it, he's willing because i feel so strongly, and he's willing to trust me when i tell him that his heart is more than capable of opening a little wider for another baby, that we'll get the kid we're supposed to get, that no, i won't start in on #3 if i get my way on #2, and that #2 will almost certainly be unlike #1, and that's perfectly OK. he doesn't really believe me, but i'm pretty sure i'm right, so we're going to go for it when i get back from india and don't have to worry about malaria pills.
the a-ha from all this: i don't need an entire pizza to avoid a difficult conversation. emotionally, it's much easier on myself to simply have the conversation, and eat a regular lunch. also, pizza doesn't seem to have any magical properties that make me less sad about my friend's passing, or having an unplanned refresher in understanding that the only predictable thing about life is its finiteness.
tera, thanks so much for your suggestions! i can drown myself in water and protein and my stomach is still screaming at me for more food. one of the challenges i've had with binging is that i actually LIKE the feeling of being stuffed. it's comforting. not so thrilled with the emotional crap that goes with it, but physically it's not at all unpleasant. my hunger exercise got me feeling panicked and nauseated. glad that bistro MD comes with access to licensed dieticians. right now, i'm working on finding a pen to corral those worrying thoughts, because they're totally useless. i have no idea how i'll do on bistro MD, so i'm not going to waste time on it now. if and when there's an issue, i'll deal with it. thank you!!! and happy birthday!
shrinkin, kudos on an immediate return to "just need to create the time and energy." what affirmative thinking! sorry to hear that your elbow is giving you trouble.
bill, that IS kind of funny, that you don't remember ever trying almond butter. i have a super-sharp memory for food. probably a question of focus, huh?
onebyone, here's to maintenance!
my wish for today is that you quickly slip into that marvelous state of mind where you're effortlessly focused, and the work just gushes out of you.
robin, so sorry to hear about your crap day. thank god for wonderful DH's! hoping that the rest of the week gets better.
maryblu, so with you on the honeycrisp apples. it's our new year, and a traditional meal includes apples and honey. these are the BEST. makes it OK that summer's ending, you know? and once the honeycrisp season is over, it's pomegranate time.
have a good day, all!