As I'm losing (it's not showing on my ticker because I don't weigh myself that often. In the past, whenever I saw that I was losing, I'd "treat" myself, and gain it back. But that's another story), I find that I am noticing things about myself that I didn't notice before. Character traits that are a part of me that maybe I didn't want to look at too closely. (Maybe I covered them with fat?).
Today for example, a lot of the teachers and parents were congregating in front of my office and chatting and milling about and saying goodby at dismissal time. One of the teachers blew me a kiss good by. I nodded at her and immediately looked away.
I somehow caught myself doing that, and wondered why am I so uncomfortable with people paying attention to me? I don't think I'm uncomfortable with affection. At least with my kids and close friends I'm a very huggy-type person. But in certain types of situations, I definitely don't like being noticed, or made to be the center of attention. For example, at meetings, even a small meeing with a handful of people, I can't speak up. And my face turns red and I start stammering if I'm spoken to.
Anyway, I just noticed today and caught myself at it, and I wonder if it has to do with my being overweight, and I wonder if my now losing allows me to notice myself more.
I know I'm babbling, but does anyone understand?
I love this place. What I just put here in words felt like such a release. Like therapy.
I love this place!!!!