It is so frustrating to have lost so much weight then see some of it coming back. I know it's my own fault for being too lax and I KNOW I have to be careful for the rest of my life. It's totally worth it and doable, but so FRUSTRATING. I feel like I need to LOSE those 15 or so pounds that I've gained back or it's going to just keep going and I'm going to find myself well over 200 pounds again. I'm scared people around me won't understand when I don't want to eat the party food and junk food all the rest of them are eating, or why I don't want to go out eating at a restaurant more than once a week. There are people who never knew me heavier, and they couldn't possibly understand why I get all nervous that we have this big pizza party coming up at work. I've just resolved to try to LOSE some weight, and I don't want to sabotage myself. I can't stand being the only one not eating the junk-not because I WANT it, but because I feel like they're going to be looking at me funny or forcing it on me. I've been feeling really angry at myself for letting this weight creep back (due to not exercising and eating probably 400-600 calories a day more than I had been maintaining. No wonder it crept back! I want to lose those 15 pounds again, but I'm afraid of what OTHER people will think if I don't indulge in everything in sight. Why do I care what other people think? It's like I'm dreading that ONE moment when maybe one or two people will actually notice that I didn't take a piece of pizza. Why do I care? I HATE and DREAD office parties and sometimes family gatherings for this very reason. I wish that when feeding time came around, I could become invisible and just feel free to eat what I want to eat (which is NOT the junk!!!!) And my mother, who always commented (erroneously) that I could be harming myself by losing too much weight (HA! I was 140 at my very lowest!) wouldn't understand why I need to LOSE again before maintaining again. It's just SO frustrating. Eating is such a PUBLIC activity. Yes, I still love to eat, but I feel like the whole thing has turned on me.
Thanks for "listening" to my vent.