Hi Ronnie,
I feel your pain and wish I could help.
I am a food addict and also have been anorexic briefly as a teen. All I think about all day is food. I don't even notice it anymore, but I'm always planning or postpointing or trying to avoid food. When my head isn't on straight, I can't have one good day. But, really, that's all it takes for me. If I can do it and have one good day, then that day turns into two and then three and so on. Don't think of all the weight you have to lose because that can feel overwhelming. Just think of a few things: 1. I will write down whatever I eat BEFORE it enters my mouth (keep a food journal). 2. I will excercise every day 3. I will plan my meals. 4. I will lift weights 3 times a week. (that means you can do pushups, crunches, squats, dumbells, etc. you don't have to go to the gym.
Start with one day. Think of it at 5 lbs. at a time. Then, start to think of how much you will allow yourself every day and stick to it. I figured out my Resting Metaboic Rate (you can do it using a google search). That told me how many calories my body burns if I stay in bed all day. Then, aim to eat a bit less than that or about that many calories. That way, whatever excercise you do will lead to fat burning. Finally, have easy ways to avoid eating. I chew 5 gum which lasts forever. I also make frozen grapes in ziplock baggies....I measure out 1 cup and that's only 65 calories. I also like Boca Burgers (Flame Grilled)...100 calories and very filling with low carb tortillas from La Tortilla Factory 100 calories. I stuff that with veggies and am full for about 3 hours for almost no calories! I also always have baby carrots in the house and some protein bars too.
You don't have to do it my way, but I just wanted to let you know how I did it. YOU CAN DO IT!