I was doing so well for a while; I was eating the right things, I was more active, I could feel a difference in my body and the way I felt. I was posting here, I was getting support and trying to give it...and then one day, I just stopped. I had knee surgery and was feeling horrible, I was depending on others for a lot of the cooking that was done, and I just got frustrated and gave up.
I'm so angry at myself for that. Instead of doing the best I could with what I had and making an effort at least, I threw in the towel. I haven't dared to step onto the scale, but I know I'm heavier than I was before. My 3X scrubs are nearly too small, and I come home after a 12 hour shift and my body is just screaming. This weight is destroying me from the inside out, I truly believe that. I used to pretend that it didn't affect my state of mind, that I could rise above a size or a number, but that's bull and I know it.
Pulling the weight off will be difficult with my work schedule and conditions right now, but I want to do this. I don't just need to do this, I want to; I want to be able to go out with my friends and own a room, I want to not be winded after a flight of stairs or a trip down the driveway to the mailbox. It'll take a lot more planning than it did before, and a lot more effort, but I want to try.
I guess I just needed to vent...sorry guys.